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George Soros Set to Purchase University of South Florida

As part of the new football stadium deal for the University of South Florida campus in Tampa, George Soros has agreed to fund most of the construction in exchange for private control of one of Florida’s biggest public universities.

“This has been a long time coming,” said Soros during a conference call with the USF leaders.  “I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this to inject my woke ideals on a massive campus like USF.”

For the nearly 50,000 students currently enrolled at USF, nothing will really change.

“We are going to continue doing all the stuff we were doing previously, but Soros will occasionally drop by to admire all the wokeness,” said USF Board Member, Rolito Mikejeves.

Students and staff are encouraged to be active on campus, and new affordable housing will be built.

“We want this place to evolve from commuter school to an actual school,” said Mikejeves, “And once we have this stadium, we might consider starting an education department again.”

To finalize the purchase, every staff member and student will be forced to proclaim their pronouns on a notarized piece of paper before they are allowed enter the campus.

“Once I have my list of everyone’s preferred pronouns, I will finalize the deal and expedite the construction of the football stadium,” said Soros.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos