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CDC releases statement: Coronavirus actually has Tampa origin
”I just want to apologize to China and to the Chinese people who have been unfairly and ruthlessly judged because we thought CODVID-19 originated from a Chinese citizen eating an infected bat. It turns out bats are completely safe to eat and we have just been being total dicks about it.” Dr. Wolfe said solemnly at a CDC press conference at Tampa General Hospital.
Read MoreTom Brady gives TNF exclusive tour of luxurious new home
“Of course you guys can come over and look around,” he said. “You’re not only my favorite news organization in the whole world but the coolest guys I’ve met in Tampa and my new best friends!”
Read MoreFancy restaurant re-brands as hardware store
The former restaurant/new hardware store offers a number of extremely expensive items, all of which come with complimentary menu selections.
Read MoreScientists ignoring astronomer’s discovery
“It’s an asteroid, roughly the size of Africa”, he says. “The trajectory is still undetermined but it is an imminent threat to earth.”
Read MoreLocal man has lost track of time
“Time has no meaning for me. It’s been so long that I’ve just forgotten, I guess,” says Rerse, who’s been home from work since last Friday. “Is it the weekend? Is it a Wednesday? Is it Christmas?? I don’t know!”
Read MoreMeh, Boomer: TNF for grown folk – March 22, 2020
Remember the good ol’ days when the biggest thing we had to worry about was African people starving to death? Now, I’ve already seen all of these goddamn TV shows! Here’s your news. Controversial youth coach gets second chance in Seminole Heights By Clark Brooks | March 16, 2020 | 0 Comments “Coach Galvin is a dynamic personality…
Read MoreTampa Bay Area thugs launch Covid-19 awareness program
“… for a limited time while we all go through this global health crisis, not only do snitches NOT get stitches, but snitches will get ‘wiches.”
Read MoreLocal filmmaker wishes his latest masterpiece was Korean
A Tampa Bay artist who goes by the name ‘Qliquebait’ (“It’s ironic, get it? You probably don’t get it”, he says) is regretting that his latest short film is not Korean. “This Korean director has stolen my thunder”, he says. “Anybody can make the next Harry Potters, superficial feel-good movies designed to please the sheep…
Read MorePoorly marketed craft brewery opens
“Our slogan is ‘Drink our beer if you want to get that cool mouth feeling!’
Read MoreBank Robbers use Llama as Distraction in Downtown Tampa
“Everything that happens in this city feels like an experiment to piss half of us off,” said Downtown Tampa resident Pam Dzoq. “I used to hate this city, but then I saw that llama and it made me not racist anymore.”
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