Posts Tagged ‘Gasparilla’
Gasparilla renewed for 2025
Do you think this thing will ever catch on?
Read MoreGasparilla Fetus Parade Announced for Tampa
Are you ready for yet another Gasparilla parade?
Read MoreTampa woman will name baby after father
Sandy Callahan of Tampa recently found out that she’s pregnant and the only plan she’s made so far is to name the child after its father. “They traced it back and apparently I got pregnant on January 28th, which was Gasparilla, which I think makes sense,” she said. “It’s not like I remember all the…
Read MoreTampa woman accused of being fun at parties
Following an exchange between young women in Tampa regarding Gasparilla activities, a local life coach is the victim of a slanderous accusation. A group of six to eight University of Tampa students was excitedly sharing intended plans to drink copious amounts of alcoholic beverages and engage in indiscriminate sexual activity with strangers during today’s annual…
Read MoreGovernor DeSantis sends National Guard to Gasparilla
This morning, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis ordered The National Guard to the Gasparilla Festival in Tampa, citing that the foreign invaders pose a national security risk. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” DeSantis said while ordering the National Guard to dig a moat around the Governors Mansion. Although critics of the DeSantis Administration were quick to…
Read MoreYacht snob falls overboard, delighting Gasparilla crowd
A strong gust of winter wind caused some rich douche probably named Thad or Bryce or something like that to fall off his yacht into the unseasonably cold and murky waters of Tampa Bay yesterday during the annual Gasparilla pirate celebration, to the sheer utter joy of witnesses gathered along Bayshore Blvd. to watch the…
Read MoreTampa Police Announce Gasparilla 2022 Will be 100% Crime Free
The Tampa Police Department announced today that this year’s Gasparilla invasion will be absolutely free of all crimes. An estimated 418,344 people are expected to descend upon Bayshore Boulevard for a day of debauchery and pillaging. “Our officers are more than prepared to control that,” said Tampa Police Chief Debby Littles. “Thanks to recent advancements…
Read MoreQuiz: What should you do for Gasparilla?
After a brief hiatus due to COVID, Gasparilla is back! On Saturday, January 29th, just less than two weeks from now, a huge crowd will gather along Bayshore Boulevard as bead-throwing, rum-swigging pirates invade Tampa. Now is the time to start making your plans and the first thing you need to do is decide if…
Read MoreGuy who got peed on at Rockville Festival named Gasparilla grand marshal
A Tampa man who said his name is Tommy Wanxworth claims to be the previously unidentified fan that Brass Against lead singer Sophia Urista urinated on during the band’s performance at the Rockville Festival in Daytona Beach last month and has been named the Grand Marshal of the 2022 Gasparilla celebration in Tampa, starting in…
Read MoreGasparilla cancelled for first time not due to war or racism: pissed-off Tampa Bay citizens speak out
Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla announced this morning that this year’s Gasparilla parades, that had previously been postponed until April, have been cancelled. “Only a handful of times did our daring pirate invaders decide to spare the city from invasion due to unprecedented world events. This year, our pirates are making a similar decision to…
Read More