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Tampa International Airport changes name


Tampa International Airport has announced that they are changing their name and all their commercial branding, effective immediately.

“Well, I guess we have bears now”, said airport spokesperson Emma Kanipz. “So welcome to Tampa International Bearport.”

This news comes in the wake of a Florida black bear being spotted on airport property Tuesday and spending at least one night inside a secured perimeter.

“I know it was initially reported that the Hillsborough County Aviation Authority working in conjunction with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had trapped the bear and relocated it to the Ocala National Forest in Central Florida, but then the marketing department got hold of the story, crunched some numbers and we realized that we could be doing a better job of reaching the coveted carnivoran mammals demographic. We called the truck, told them to turn around and bring our bear back,” said Kanipz. “If bears want to utilize one of the nation’s best airports, who are we to deny them access?”

“Maybe they want to avail themselves of our fine restaurants or other amenities. Does a bear shit in the woods? Probably not, if it can choose America’s Best Restroom!” she said. “Maybe they want to ride the SkyConnect people mover, immortalized in the renowned film ‘Plane Train’. Who knows? I’m not going to get into the mind of a Florida black bear.”

In addition to airports, bears love stand-up comedy and independent documentary films.

Ms. Kanipz went on to mention that the airport’s immediate concern now is remodeling the terminal in a more “rustic” style, as well as producing and distributing updated safety instruction collateral for the benefit and comfort of travelers.

“And bears”, she added.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54