Dave Gormley of Tampa was recently busted by his wife Candace while looking at another woman’s ass at a small social gathering, the first and only time he’s ever even looked at another woman since getting married eight years ago.
“Unbelievable,” said Dave. “The ironic thing is I wasn’t even looking at her ass. I was looking down, at the floor. Seriously! Like I thought I saw a mouse run by or something.”
“Right. Sure,” said Candace. “A mouse. Right.”
“I don’t think I did though. It was just an optical illusion or something, I guess,” Dave added.
The woman whose ass is the subject of the argument is Sheila, one of Candace’s co-workers from the office, who remains unaware that anything happened.
Reached for comment, she said, “Huh?”
“He’s obsessed with Sheila. He always has been,” said Candace. “He’s constantly asking about her.”
“Oh my God, I asked how she was doing once! ONCE!!” said Dave. “And that was after she was in the hospital to have her appendix out! ONCE!!”
“It was her gall bladder, you son of a bitch and you know that”, replied Candace.
“See?” said Dave. “That’s proof I’m not obsessed with her!”
The couple plans to spend the rest of the week not speaking to one another before pretending to be over it, never mentioning the incident again while harboring deep-seated resentment toward each other until it resurfaces in a heated argument four years from now just prior to their inevitable, bitter divorce.