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Words on a screen less of a story and more an opportunity for the writer to waste time


Hey guys, just popping in to say I’m wasting some time right now. Wasting time writing for no reason with no direction, no idea, no plot, no story, no anything. Just good old fashion typing for nothing.

Yep, feels good. 

At least, momentarily, the joy fleets with every sentence. Every word I feel less joy than the last. 

Not true!

It goes up and down, like a rollercoaster. Some words and sentences feel good, some feel lackluster.

It’s always lack luster. You never hear about something, more luster, it’s always a lacking of it.

Hey, that was a thought! And it made it into the “article!”

And here I was thinking I was simply just wasting time with nothing of redeeming value, yet I just implanted a thought into all of our heads. The “luster debate” people are calling it.

*Jerry Seinfeld Voice* “Why, is it always lackluster! Where is all the luster going! Who are these people with the luster!”

You heard that in his voice right?

I did a good job. 

I’m a good boy.

How come that phrase is only reserved for dogs?

How come “how come” is a phrase?

I’ll show you how I come if you know what I mean.

Of course you know what I mean.

There was no nuance or subliminal creativity in that sentence it was very blunt and forward.

But never mind that. Never mind anything, if you can.

That seems to be one of the paths to happiness. Not minding anything. Stuff happens, you don’t mind, you do your thing unbothered.

Very powerful to be able to do that.

You know who does that? Andrew Tate.

Just kidding, he minds some stuff I’m sure.

But how quickly did you draw back even seeing that guys name written down. Isn’t that wild how just the mention of someone’s name can cause such a visceral reaction? Don’t let anyone have power over you!

That sounds like something Andrew Tate would say. Oh boy. What have I gotten myself into.

I like when characters in movies say stuff like that and narrate their actions for the audience whereas most people never do things like that in real life.

I’ve never heard someone in real life say the phrase, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Please say it in real life so it trends again and life imitates art.

I don’t really like that phrase either.

It seems like a lot of phrases aren’t enjoyable to me.

Which gives them power.

I say don’t let stuff have power over you, yet here I am, giving so many things power over me. 

Everything has power over me.

I have very little control over what I let effect me.

I wish I could change that.

No I don’t, that just sounds like a thing you should say.

A lot of what I say is just things I believe you want to hear me say. And mostly things that I want to hear me say that’s why I say them.

I’m mostly, selfishly, thinking of myself when I say things. I think, “would I like to hear this?” And then I say the thing I believe I would want to hear the most.

Can this be any less interesting?

That’s some sarcasm!

Why am I pointing that out?

Why am I asking questions?

They say you should ask questions.

And by “they” I mean, “you people.”

Remember when that was a TV/movie trope, someone getting upset at someone else saying the phrase, “you people.”

Then the upset person would go, “what do you mean ‘you people?’”

Then the first person would have to clarify by “you people” he didn’t mean a racial group he meant just a general group of people in his vicinity or whatever.

Right when I think my writing can’t get any more dull or worthless, here we are.

This doesn’t belong on a satire website, this belongs in a blog that goes directly into the virtual garbage can.

But these are the perks of being a co-founder/creator. You have the freedom to put whatever you want wherever you want it on your landscape you’ve created. (Technically I didn’t create the landscape, Josh did, I’m really more of an ideas guy.)

You ever hear people say they’re an “ideas guy?”

That means they don’t do anything.

Everyone is an “ideas guy.”

Unless you’re brain dead.

Then you’re not really an “ideas guy.”

I want people to read these writings one day, but I don’t really know why.

Do I just want attention? Validation? Give people joy? Probably a combination of all of these.

Do I want my writing to shape the future and make people more open and honest with themselves while expanding their senses of humor? Yea, definitely that, for sure.

Or I’m just a crazy person who needs to drain his head pocket of these pesky word jumbles.

Again, probably a combo of all of these!

Til next time, I bid you a dude.

(Then it’s like a guy bidding on bay to win a man. That’s bidding a dude. Or you’re willing to pay a dude for something, that could be bidding a dude. Is this the kind of writing that gets you on TV? Only time will tell.)


(Trans mission is what my transexual partner went on last night to go get some funions, am I right? Ok, I’m really done now I promise, no more writing. I’m zipping my fingers in one of those cellphone cases they make people use at prestigious comedy shows. No more writing. Starting… NOW! Ok, just a little bit more. It feels so good to do it when you’re not supposed to! Why is that always the case? Reverse psychology. That’s when you teach people the mentality of backing up a car. Get it! Reverse psy- I give up. I also like that when people give up on sentences mid-word. Such a defeated thing. Ok, that’s it for real this time. Story done. Bye bye. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Oh, perfect right in time for my computer screen to shake again. Ugh.)

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds