Posts by Chingy Lopez
Tampa Bay Vipers Home Opener Guide
After a disappointing 0-2 start to the inaugural XFL season, the Tampa Bay Vipers have not given up hope of being the first XFL team to have a perfect losing record. “We are trying to get a solid 0-10 record this year,” said head coach Marc Tressman, “I hate scoring touchdowns.” Tampa Bay Vipers fans…
Read MoreTampa Declares Day Drinking a Competitive Sport
As part of an effort to get some worldwide recognition at this summer’s Olympics in Tokyo, Tampa has officially declared Day-Drinking a competitive sport and will be sending a team of power drinkers to the Olympic games in an effort to capture the gold. “There are no Day-Drinking events planned for the Tokyo Summer Olympics,”…
Read More“Brew Bus” For Strip Clubs to Launch in Tampa
Through a partnership that he has yet to forge with Tampa Bay-area strip clubs, he hopes his “Brew Bus” for strip clubs idea will get him out of the deep financial hole he got himself into when he accidentally purchased a fleet of double-decker buses.
Read MoreBank Robbers use Llama as Distraction in Downtown Tampa
“Everything that happens in this city feels like an experiment to piss half of us off,” said Downtown Tampa resident Pam Dzoq. “I used to hate this city, but then I saw that llama and it made me not racist anymore.”
Read MoreWhat would Rick Scott look like with hair?
If you search on Google for pictures of “Young Rick Scott” you will find no evidence that this Florida Senator existed before the year 2010. There are 99 other Senators in the United States Government. Each one of these elected officials has some sort of picture of them online when they were younger. We at…
Read MoreVipers Prove They Truly are a Tampa Bay Team
The ignagural 2020 season game for the Tampa Bay Vipers saw our heroes face off in New Jersey, the home of the New York Guardians. The biggest takeaway from the game had to be the Xbox controller used by the official replay box reviewer. This confirmed many theories that the XFL is not actually a…
Read MoreUSF study proves Jack shit
After studying the effects of Jack on his toilet, USF researchers were able to discover that he shit. “Yeah I think Jack shit,” said local scientist Molly Boingboing. “In fact, we can confirm Jack shit because I saw it. I saw Jack shit.” When asked what the groundbreaking multimillion dollar study means for all scientific…
Read MoreRick Scott Calls Out President Donald Trump in new Attack Ad
Florida Senator Rick Scott released an attack ad recently where he claimed he was being held hostage by the current impeacent proceedings. The video he released poked fun at hostage situations where victims only receive milk and water as their main source of nutrients, two things the Senator has never consumed in his life. Tampa…
Read MoreRick Scott Quarantined Amid Fears He Will Spread Coronavirus Around Senate
Florida Senator Rick Scott was detained inside of a medical tent today, amid fears that he contracted the Coronavirus while filming an interview for Fox News in which he demonstrated his ability to bite the heads off of live animals. “It’s part of my morning ritual,” said Scott while trying to bite the head off…
Read MoreMike Bloomberg Accidentally Buys Trip’s Diner During Sunday Coffee with Tampa Mayor
The Former Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, visited Tampa today to have coffee with current Tampa Mayor Jane Castor at the famous and recently built Trip’s Diner. The meeting was totally normal, nothing weird about a billionaire grabbing some coffee in Tampa with Castor in the up-and-coming neighborhood of Seminole Heights. The two…
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