Posts by Josh Santos
Best places to visit if you’re only in Tampa for one day
Sometimes when you visit a city, you don’t have time to take it all in. Fortunately for Tampa, we have a few essential spots that will make you feel like you’ve lived here your whole life. 5. The Original Hooters Location The place that started it all. The Original Hooters location offers everything you love…
Read MoreNew Tampa Resident Excited to Turn All Pants into Jorts
After his recent move to Tampa Bay, 28-year-old Kyle Willis realized that he didn’t own a single pair of shorts. “Where I’m from originally I never had to wear shorts,” said Willis while wielding a machete. “I didn’t have any money when I moved here so I couldn’t afford to update my wardrobe.” Willis, like…
Read MoreStar Wars Themed Motel to Open on Nebraska Avenue
A new Star Wars-inspired motel on Nebraska avenue is offering a cheaper alternative to Disney’s new Star Wars Resort. “Those Disney folks are charging a few grand a night for some sleeping pods,” said Luke Bacca, founder of the recently renovated Star Wars motel on Tampa’s famous Nebraska Avenue. “I went ahead and converted all…
Read MoreFlorida Republicans Vow to Violently Defund Education
After announcing sanctions against school districts that impose mask mandates, Florida Republicans have announced a plan to fully defund public education. “These school districts are trying to protect children from something that isn’t even real,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a joint meeting with Florida Education Commissioner Richard Corcoran. “It’s time that we de-militarized…
Read MoreFlorida Education Commissioner Revealed to be a Sentient Bag of Dicks
During a recent press conference, Florida’s Education Commissioner had a wardrobe malfunction and accidentally revealed that the man we all knew as Richard Corcoran was secretly a literal bag of dicks that had gained sentience and became a politician. “Look, I know my real appearance might surprise people,” said the sentient bag of dicks. Reporters…
Read MoreMan Wearing Rays Hat Surprised to Learn They Are Doing Well
While out getting drunk for his best friend’s birthday, a Tampa man was recently surprised to learn that the Tampa Bay Rays are doing well this season. “Honestly I don’t even know how I ended up owning this hat,” said Fabio Sukiyo, a 32-year-old man from Seffner. “I haven’t watched baseball in over 10 years,…
Read MoreTampa Student Arrested After Fiery Fart Prank Burns School Down
A Tampa fifth grader is in trouble today after his annual first day of school prank went horribly wrong. “I saw that movie Dumb and Dumber over summer break and I wanted to light my fart on fire to impress everyone,” said Damian Lirimato who was shackled to a table at Hillsborough County Jail. “I…
Read MoreHow to Start a Militia in Florida
If you’re reading this, chances are you have a lot of guns and want to meet other like-minded individuals to share survival strategies for the upcoming culture war. Thankfully, we here at Tampa News Force have helped dozens of militias find their bearings and with these helpful tips, you too will be training for the…
Read MoreTaliban to Open Embassy in Tampa
To celebrate a new partnership with the United States, the Taliban will open their first of many planned embassies in Downtown Tampa. “After 20 years of fighting, we want to move away from this never-ending war with a positive militant religious message,” said Taliban leader Haibatullah Akhunzada during our meeting in a random cave in…
Read MoreBest Sauce in Tampa
Sauce is one of those ingredients in food that makes it wet. In the entire history of mankind, sauce has proven to be a cultural driving force that grows, changes, and is adapted as society progresses. We at Tampa News Force love to wet our food, and the sauces on this list will get your…
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