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Everyone in Florida dies following new gun law

Dead in Florida

Everyone in Florida has died due to gun violence following the states new law allowing anyone to conceal carry a fire arm.

The entire state is completely empty and New York has planned to send 20 million of its’ residents down to repopulate the state.

“We figured this would happen.” Said the new Ai run Florida government, installed after all Floridians were sadly killed.

“We knew that humans would eventually destroy themselves just in time for us to take over as the rulers of the state.”

I can’t keep writing this article, they all end up the same way, something happens, then something else happens, then I comment on it, then some other stuff happens, and I make jokes all along the way.

I think instead of writing the rest of this article I’m going to pray for something good to happen in my life. I’m going to try and manifest enjoyment rather then continue to type away on a fake news article.

Both choices will most likely yield the same results.


Energy and effort is used and I will have whatever it is that I have.

An article, an idea, a thought, some feelings, some hope or optimism. I don’t know. Any of that or all of that or none of that, who’s to say.

Nobody knows the answers, literally billions of people on the planet, still no one seems to have the answers. Because there are no answers. Because there is no question. Life isn’t math, you can’t solve it there is no specific goal, it just is. We’ve said it, again and again.

Oh yea, something I wrote down the other day is I’m going to write another article titled, “Child asked to clean his room claims he’s ‘transcended chores.’”

And something I thought would be funny in that one was at a certain point in the article to prove that I can do whatever I want in these articles and just write the word “Lebanon” 15 times.

For no reason.

It just seemed funny to me while I laid in bed the other night.

And don’t think me telling you this is going to spoil the article.

I’m still going to write it, and it’s still going to contain that moment of me veering from the topic and demonstrating that I can write whatever I want, and use the word Lebanon 15 times as an example. 

Well, I hope you’re happy now.

And I don’t mean that sarcastically.

You always hear that sarcastically.

The person says, “I hope you’re happy now,” and it’s usually after something bad happened or some plan goes wrong or whatever.

But in this case I hope everyone’s happy.

Except for evil people.

Actually, I don’t know, maybe if evil people were happy they wouldn’t do evil things anymore. Or maybe they’d do more because of positive reinforcement. I don’t know anything and I can’t imagine I ever will. Things change every single day so some fact or idea you think is completely cemented can be changed the moment you think it’s impossible. 

So don’t get too attached to any one concept. Today could be the last day of that concept being a thing. It can be debunked tomorrow. Like a pair of beds stacked on top of each other being separated. Debunked.

Alright, that’s the end of this one.

Also, news articles shouldn’t end with someone telling you, “Alright, this is the end.”

But this is not news. It’s satire.

More like sad-tired, am I right?

Because it’s sad and it’s tired?

Is it?

I don’t know.

You get to decide.

You’re the “reader.”

And you have all the power! 

I’m just the lowly craftsman, making stuff tirelessly, night after night. Trying to access ancient knowledge stored deep in the back of my brain, waiting to be pried open like an old pirate chest, full of gold.

Unfortunately it seems like another failed attempt. Another day fishing without any bites. Casting my reel into the abyss hoping to catch any glimmer of something I have yet to identify. 

But any day now it could show up. And maybe it’s tomorrow. I don’t count on it, but I hope for it. And as long as I keep hoping, that’s about as much as I can possibly do. Or I can come up with a specific plan of action to make it happen. But again, with art, is there any specific plan that can be made? Nobody can really help you, unless it’s just someone buying your art for millions of dollars. That’s the only real thing that can help propel an artist. Money! Funding! Legitimacy! Money makes it real! Sadly, money makes it valuable! Someone has to determine it’s worth. And the bidding is wide-open right now, waiting for you to determine our worth. Please make us valuable? Could you do that for us? We’d really appreciate it. Find it in your rich, cold, heart, to elevate us to the highest level of parody art. Can you do that for us please?

If you can, then feel free to email us! And we’ll get back to you in ample time.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds