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Hottest races: Ranked

Racist Janitor

Here’s a list of the hottest races, ranked by the racist janitor who works in our building.

1. White people

“White people are the hottest because they’re superior.” Said that racist janitor

2. All other races are not attractive

According to the janitor, white people are the only attractive race, so I guess that’s where the list ends. I’m sorry. Reflecting on this article now I’m realizing it might not have been a good idea to give the racist janitor a platform.

But that’s kind of the issue now isn’t it, that we give people platforms who shouldn’t have one because the things they say are controversial and sensational so people waste time looking at it. People don’t spend that much time looking at rational, logical stuff.  They like unhinged idiom.

The id unchained.

Super ego on blast.

So that’s why I regret to say it, but the janitor is going to be featured a lot more here at Tampa News Force.

Every time he talks it seems to gather a group of people around him, simply out of disgust and hate, but we take notice of those things here and we’re going to capitalize off that attention.

Ultimately he will be the only one to suffer because we will be able to deflect the blame by simply stating that his opinions were “news-worthy” at the time and people wanted to be informed on what his opinions in the moment were.

It’s a cruel cycle and unfortunately it’s not on our plate to change the trajectory of people’s morality.

We give you what you want, nothing more, nothing less. Sadly, this is what you want.

You want controversy and vitriol. I hate it. It breaks my heart to publish it. But I need to feed myself.

I would say feed my family, but I don’t need to do that, I don’t have a family. It’s just me and my pet bird. I guess I have to feed the pet bird. But it mostly just eats crumbs from my Subway sandwiches I bring home at 2 am. I stumble into my loft trashed off Roxy’s and ludes, plop down onto my toilet, and defecate while stuffing my face with a stale-bread sandwich. It’s not glorious, but it’s my existence. Alright, that was too much of a dive into my life, I shouldn’t have pulled the curtain back so much, it was unprofessional. Have a good day.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds