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If Tampa hits 100° everyone gets free Chick-fil-A

It’s been announced that if the temperature in Tampa reaches 100°, everyone in the city will receive free Chick-fil-A.

The cities highest temperature recorded to date is 99 but if the summer heat is able to reach 100°, it will break the record, awarding it’s citizens.

“We thought it would be a good incentive for Tampa to just push for that one-more-degree!” Explained Chick-fil-A president, Vins Stimpleton.

“Don’t get us wrong, we love that it’s gotten to 99 plenty of times, but at our company, we really appreciate and respect 3-digit-numbers, so we would love to celebrate Tampa if they are able to reach this benchmark by awarding residents 1 free coupon each, for a chicken sandwich, with cheese.” Stimpleton smiled while pumping his fist innocuously.

“We love breaking records, we love the heat, this is right up our alley, we couldn’t have dreamed up a better team-up and partnership, than Chick-fil-A and the temperature in Tampa.” Stimpleton continued until one of his eyes fell out revealing he was actually being projected by illusion tech, similar to that used in the second Spiderman film starring Tom Holland. (Technically third if you count Civil War as the first Tom Holland Spiderman film.)

I just saw that second Tom Holland Spiderman on TV the other night. It was good.

The only Tom Holland Spiderman movie I had watched before that moment was “No Way Home.”

I saw the third one in the series first. Because I didn’t really care that much about Spiderman.

But when I heard all 3 were going to be in the third movie I was like, “alright, fuck it, it’s 3 Spidermans for 1, that’s a good deal, I can’t pass out on that.”

So I went and saw the third Spiderman with all 3 Spidermans in it.

And I think it was fine, I didn’t need to see the first too, I got it.

He’s Spiderman. He has a girlfriend, who’s Zendaya. He’s got a friend.

Those are like the 3 main things, and you learn that fast. So it was easy to follow along.

Anyways, Chick-fil-A something, something, something, I don’t know.

Let’s see AI do this, huh! Can AI write articles like this?

You say, “Hey AI, write an article where the author fades in and out of the reality of the article and starts talking about his own life watching Spiderman movies, but also make it like kind of funny kind of desperate/reaching for laughs? Reaching for humor? Can you do that AI? Can you do that?”

Can you have AI, request AI to write articles? Can I just have a never ending cycle where I assign one AI to come up with ideas, one AI to write the ideas, one AI to post the articles?

FUCK, I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DO THAT! Before someone else does! I guarantee writing this right now someone will think, “Oh shit, I can do that easily,” and scoop my idea. 

Ugh, I can taste it.

And it sucks!

Just like when Spiderman shot webs at Mysterio in the end of the second Spiderman movie.

See, it all made perfect sense and was a coherent article.

Hey AI, write a conclusion to the article using more Spiderman references and also sticking true to the prior theme of the article and its’ irreverent wit.

I don’t know what “Irreverent wit” is, I saw it as a review on like the back of a book or something. Or maybe it was a comedians’ biography who I had never heard of. It said he had “irreverent wit.” And you know it was him who wrote the biography too. Nobody told him he had irreverent wit. Or maybe he did, maybe I’m just an asshole.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds