Posts Tagged ‘Governor Ron Desantis’
Sex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida
Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…
Read MoreDeSantis places restrictions on Kate Bush music
Due to being featured prominently in the popular Netflix series Stranger Things, the Kate Bush Song “Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God),” originally released in 1985, is a chart-topping hit again. “Yeah, and I’m sick of it,” said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “Damn song is everywhere, all the time.” For that reason, among…
Read MoreNew legislation makes it illegal to talk about gay stuff during school shootings
A new law handed down from the Florida State legislature makes it illegal to discuss anything ‘gay’ during a school shooting. “Those last few precious moments in a child’s life before they’re gunned down in a classroom should be spent apologizing to God or begging for mercy or regretting that your teacher isn’t armed, not…
Read MoreMan terrified to wear mask at DeSantis press conference
At a press conference earlier today in Nassau County where Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spoke about his ongoing plans for infrastructure improvements around the state, one man in attendance felt unsafe wearing a face mask. “I wanted to put it on, just to be careful because it was fairly crowded in there. I figured, ‘what’s…
Read MoreDeSantis not sure what to do about Juneteenth
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date of the June 19, 1865, announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas “This one is tricky,” he said. “How do…
Read MoreTampa News Force acquires naming rights to former Outback Bowl
The annual New Year’s Day college bowl game played at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, formerly known as the Outback Bowl, has a new name: the Tampa News Force Gay Pride Logo College Football Bowl. Bowl officials announced the four-year agreement Thursday afternoon during a ceremony at the Sunoco Station at the corner of Nebraska…
Read MoreDeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…
Read MoreArms dealers celebrate another successful year with boat parade
In what has become a new Tampa Bay tradition, some of the world’s billion dollar corporations that manufacture and sell weapons systems to equip the brave men and women who protect our country by serving as troops in the military, as well as troops from any other countries with an established line of credit, held…
Read MoreDeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company. “Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.” What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the…
Read MoreGovernor DeSantis accidentally says ‘gay’
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis mistakenly used the word ‘gay’ yesterday and is now terminally homosexual. He was attending a formal fundraising dinner event in Clearwater and was telling those assembled that they should pray before they began eating, but had heard an Elton John song on the radio on his way to the function, causing…
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