Posts Tagged ‘Governor Ron Desantis’
New challenger enters gubernatorial race
A surprise latecomer has declared their intention to run for governor in Florida’s 2022 election. “My name is Sandy McNipplering and I’m new”, said the mysterious stranger. “I mean, I’m from here, right here in Florida, like my whole life. Otherwise how would I be eligible to run for governor? Ha ha! But you couldn’t…
Read MoreDeSantis deflects criticism of his handling of COVID resurgence
In spite of cases of COVID-19 rising once again in the state of Florida, Governor Ron DeSantis remains defiant of any kind of public safety restrictions or mandates. Yesterday at a press conference in Tampa, he responded directly to criticism that he is not making the situation a top priority. “It is very important that…
Read MoreDeSantis defends himself against accusations of hypocrisy
“…with BLM, that was… um, well… that was something else entirely. That was a whole other thing.”
Read MorePolitical bickering between DeSantis and Kriseman hampering red tide relief efforts
A battle along political lines between Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman is creating an unnecessary delay in emergency funding from the state getting to the city to help deal with tons of dead sea life washing up on Pinellas beaches due to a red tide outbreak. Tampa News Force has…
Read MoreDeSantis accepts support from Biden, becomes physically ill
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis expressed appreciation to President Joe Biden for leading the federal response to the collapse of a condo building in the coastal suburb of Surfside last week. “You recognized the severity of this tragedy from day one, and you’ve been very supportive”, he said, wincing in obvious discomfort and addressing Biden as…
Read MoreAlternative to critical race theory to be taught in Florida schools this fall
In a press conference at Tampa Heights Elementary Magnet School Saturday, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced that there will be changes made to the state’s public education curriculum, but Critical Race Theory is still off the table. “Okay, we’re willing to acknowledge that some of our teaching resources might… might… be a little out of…
Read MoreHomophobes threaten to not use local bridges lit up for Pride
Following a decision from the office of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to override recent Florida Department of Transportation policies to not light local bridges in honor of Gay Pride month, local homophobes are threatening to boycott the Sunshine Skyway and other spans. “First of all, I’m not a homophobe”, said Denny Knockwurst of St. Petersburg.…
Read MorePasco-Hernando State College Wins Florida Budget Lottery
During an event today, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis unveiled his $100 billion budget for Florida’s 2021-2022 session. As part of the budget, DeSantis made it clear that it will not provide Hillsborough County with 0.000033% of the budget to fund workforce development, public school summer bridge programming, music education for children, safer crosswalks at public…
Read MoreRon DeSantis Tells Faggots to Suck It Up
Continuing his promise to make life impossible for gays in Florida, Ron DeSantis today announced that along with defunding the mental health care for Pulse nightclub shooting survivors, he will personally call each and every one of them to tell them to suck it up. “I get it, you faggots had a bad night a…
Read MoreGovernor DeSantis judges sex toy competition
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited the annual Adult Novelty Trade Show at the Tampa Convention Center recently, where he participated as a celebrity judge in a sex toy competition. “Florida is open for business and a big part of that is the return of annual conventions like this one”, he said. “It was a little…
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