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Black Drag Queen commits school shooting

This just in: apparently a transgender person who identifies as a “Drag Queen” of African American descent has shot up a public school, using some sort of gun device. No word yet on which school or what casualties there might be or if the person of interest has been apprehended. We will post updates on…

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DeSantis Announces Teen Menstrual Blood Collection Program

In an effort to ban trans youth from playing school sports, teen girls will now be forced to personally supply Florida Governor Ron DeSantis with a vial of menstrual blood every month. “It’s the only way to make sure that no chicks with dicks are taking advantage of the sacred pastime that is school sports,”…

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Tampa News Force to launch journalism program at Bishop Sycamore High School

Venerable media outlet and bastion of journalistic integrity Tampa News Force (TNF) has announced the sponsorship of a new journalism program at prestigious Bishop Sycamore High School in Columbus, Ohio. Ricky ‘Rick’ Kwotemark, TNF Director of Educational Outreach said, “It is truly an honor and a privilege to partner with a legitimate academic institution and…

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Wuhan Lab Discovered in Tampa

Kids find a lab

A group of high school kids wandering around an abandoned building in Hillsborough County accidentally stumbled upon what experts believe is the Wuhan lab where Covid-19 originated from.  “All the windows were broken and there was a lot of trash everywhere,” said Miguel Mercedes, a junior at Strawberry Crest High School in Plant City. “After…

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Screw You Mr. Rabiola!

Mr. Rabiola

Mr. Rabiola, my high school English teacher, taught me many things. But now that I’m a professional writer at a Floridian news empire, I don’t have to follow the rules. I understand that I’m typically not supposed to start sentences with a conjunction. I understand that additional clauses starting with “and” should be set off…

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