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Tampa man joy-shamed

Harold Kolber of Tampa was the victim of an unprovoked joy-shaming at a local restaurant earlier today. Mr. Kolber was peacefully enjoying lunch by himself at the Wuhan Fook Chinese restaurant on Dale Mabry when the Hendersons, a boisterous family of seven came in, chattering excitedly. They noisily dragged two tables together so they could…

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How to spend Christmas

It’s Christmas Day and somehow, you’ve gotten here without making plans for what to do. Don’t worry, we’re here to help. Here’s every way there is for you to spend Christmas if you don’t already have plans.  1. Be with family and friends, all the people who love and cherish you Yeah. Okay. Sure. If…

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Display of rich people’s toys thrills Tampa poor people

Holiday Boat Parade

Tampa’s annual holiday lighted boat parade took place last night on the Hillsborough River, featuring wealthy people showing off what they use to enjoy one of their many expensive leisure pursuits to the delight of people who are one paycheck or less from being homeless. “They’re so pretty, all lit up with beautiful Christmas lights!…

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Woke uncle wrecks family’s Thanksgiving

Woke Uncle

Kenneth Childress of South Bend, Indiana, ruined his family’s Thanksgiving while visiting them in Tampa by sharing his extremely tolerant and socially aware opinions during the traditional holiday meal. “Uncle Kenneth is always a handful. He just can’t help himself,” said Carl Childress, who works hard all year to keep a roof over this family’s…

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Thanksgiving tough for Clearwater man with willfully limited vocabulary

Dave Quipler, a 26-year-old man from Clearwater, struggles every year during Thanksgiving due to how he expresses himself. “It all started when I was a toddler,” he says. “For some reason, I don’t even know myself, I just said ‘Happy Assholes’ instead of ‘Happy Thanksgiving’. No real reason; just one of those dumb things little…

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Clearwater man advocates for Super Bowl becoming official holiday

Craig Shoomaker of Clearwater firmly believes that the Super Bowl, the annual championship of the National Football League, should be declared a federal holiday.  “It just makes sense; it’s a day when we all come together and celebrate,” he said. “Isn’t that what holidays are for?” He gestured to the people gathered at the Super…

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St. Pete woman shames carolers

Carolers

Linda Ech of St. Petersburg met a group of her neighbors out caroling with scorn and derision, sending them home feeling terrible about themselves. “People are going to call me a Karen or a Grinch, and that’s fine, if you’re not above petty name calling,” said the professor of music history at St. Pete Junior…

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