Posts Tagged ‘Masks’
Florida Education Commissioner Revealed to be a Sentient Bag of Dicks
During a recent press conference, Florida’s Education Commissioner had a wardrobe malfunction and accidentally revealed that the man we all knew as Richard Corcoran was secretly a literal bag of dicks that had gained sentience and became a politician. “Look, I know my real appearance might surprise people,” said the sentient bag of dicks. Reporters…
Read MoreLightning’s Vasilevskiy refuses to wear mask anymore
As the Tampa Bay Lightning prepare for Game 1 of the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals against the Dallas Stars tomorrow night, goaltender Andrei Vasilevskiy has declared that he will no longer wear his protective goalie mask. “It’s a violation of my freedom, I think, and then also I just don’t think they work,” he says.…
Read MoreSt. Pete men change minds on controversial issue after argument
Dan Widworth of St. Petersburg has changed his opinion on an extremely divisive social issue following an intense argument with Rob Birdley, a man he met at a local restaurant Friday afternoon. “I was minding my business, eating a cheeseburger at El Cap when I heard this guy running his big, dumb mouth,” says Widworth.…
Read MoreLocal comic proud of his 15 minutes of super original new COVID material
Alas! After performing the same 10 minutes for the last 7 years, Tampa Bay open mic-er Walter Wingman finally found some new inspiration. While many have found Corona Virus to be an utter travesty, Wingman feels differently. “I’ve literally never felt so creative in my entire life,” he says. Wingman chuckles as he explains that,…
Read MoreAlt right website calling masks “covid condoms” is trending
RightWingerSlingers.com a self-deemed alt-right website has gotten the phrase “Covid condoms” to trend globally after constantly referring to medical masks with the phrase. Over 5 billion posts on social media platforms have been posted using the term “Covid condoms” and the CDC does not like it. “It’s extremely counterproductive and is sending the wrong message…
Read MoreTampa Man Tapes a Piece of Ham to his Face and Calls it a Mask
Board’s Head has an entirely new niche market. Noah Brunsworth, a resident of of North Tampa, kicked off the latest COVID trend of wearing deli meat as a protective face covering. “I just go to the Publix meat counter and ask for a pound of sliced ham. I either cut two little holes in each…
Read MoreFlorida Police Announce ‘Guns for Mask’ Program
In an effort to supply more citizens in Florida with the N95 mask, the Brandon, Florida, police department has set-up a ‘Guns for Mask’ exchange to encourage gun owners to turn in their guns for a 10-pack of masks. “The hell I’m giving up my guns for something my wife can crochet together,” said fellow…
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