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Scientist proves that the universe is effectively meaningless

Meaningless

Professor Brett Powers, an astrophysicist currently teaching at Brown University has published a series of findings which have virtually rendered the universe meaningless, and humanity as, “inconsequential.” The papers follow various people’s daily lives and conduct surveys of their moods and how actions affect their realities and the world around them. After a 3-year study…

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Secret society member almost gets in trouble

Wealthy

A rookie TPD officer is making headlines after processing Jeremiah Rothsfather, a well known high-ranking member of a wealthy, elite, powerful, secret organization. “What a rookie idiot, he had no clue!” Laughed officer Perry Ramirez, partner of the rookie officer who has asked to remain unnamed due to impending doom. “He’s going to be whacked…

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Sadomasochist creates literal face book

Facebooker

A man who escaped from the back of a penal truck that was in line at a Wendy’s drive through, was captured and arrested, but not before creating a book of his victims removed faces. “We haven’t seen anything like this before, well actually, one time there was something kind of like this but not…

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Tampa Man Only Gets His News From Satire Magazines

Tampa New Force fan and avid reader, Will Green, refuses to consume mainstream media. For the last 5 years, his news has exclusively come from TNF, but also sometimes The Onion.  “I just don’t buy into the lizard people’s narrative anymore. Satire is for the people.” Green explains he can no longer relate to mainstream…

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