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Clearwater bookie refuses to accept Super Bowl prop bet

Cliff Sizzli of Clearwater, operating from a home “office”, offers a service to people by transacting illegal, unsanctioned bets of all kinds on sporting events. But there’s one bet he refused to consider for this year’s Super Bowl. “Novelty or exotic bets are a good sideline for me. And I’ll book almost anything, from individual…

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Super Bowl boycotts Tom Brady

For the second time in 3 years, the NFL Super Bowl has boycotted Tom brady without any explanation. “Just because we lose, doesn’t mean Tom shouldn’t be in the Super Bowl.” Said Chet Lamley, 4th-string running receiver for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. “We’re working on changing the rules of the league so Tom will be…

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Clearwater man advocates for Super Bowl becoming official holiday

Craig Shoomaker of Clearwater firmly believes that the Super Bowl, the annual championship of the National Football League, should be declared a federal holiday.  “It just makes sense; it’s a day when we all come together and celebrate,” he said. “Isn’t that what holidays are for?” He gestured to the people gathered at the Super…

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Rays nervously monitoring championship ring escalation

Rings and Rays

“Cripes, they just keep raising the damn bar with these things”, exclaimed Sternberg. “It’s not enough that they have to be totally encrusted in jewels, they have to be fidget spinners and dioramas too? How’s (Lightning owner Jeff) Vinik gonna top this Bucs ring? I don’t know but you know he will.”

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Adam Johnson returns Lombardi trophy to NFL Hall of Fame

Trophy returned

Accused US Capitol insurrectionist Adam Johnson of Parrish has confiscated the Lombardi Trophy, won by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Super Bowl LV earlier this month, and has returned it to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. “I’ve recently learned the importance of handling property with care. especially if that property doesn’t…

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Tampa man misses Super Bowl by one week

Counterfeit Super Bowl ticket

Scott Nurkington of Tampa bought a ticket to attend Super Bowl LV, held in Tampa at Raymond James Stadium on February 7th, but missed the event because he didn’t show up until yesterday. “What the hell!”, he exclaimed. “It’s over? Are you kidding me?” “I’m not the biggest sports fan but this was a big…

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Bucs sign Brady’s celebration attendant to contract extension

The world champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers have signed Boof Noosler to a one-year contract extension, following today’s celebratory boat parade. Noosler, whose job consists entirely of making sure quarterback Tom Brady doesn’t fall down and hurt himself after drinking too much tequila, has been deemed “absolutely essential” by general manager Jason Licht. “if there’s one…

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TNF refutes accusations of Super Bowl streaker shenanigans

Super Bowl Streaker

Following an incident involving a man running on the field during the fourth quarter of Super Bowl LV at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa last night, beloved and totally legitimate local media outlet Tampa News Force (TNF) is facing scurrilous accusations of orchestrating the cheap stunt to generate publicity. “That’s outrageous and 100% untrue”, said…

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