Posts by Cannzana StockWil
Screw You Mr. Rabiola!
Mr. Rabiola, my high school English teacher, taught me many things. But now that I’m a professional writer at a Floridian news empire, I don’t have to follow the rules. I understand that I’m typically not supposed to start sentences with a conjunction. I understand that additional clauses starting with “and” should be set off…
Read MoreTop 10 things to do instead of cocaine
Experiencing a crash after your boss said no more cocaine in the office? Because he wants to revamp the work environment around here to be more “professional?” Like professionals don’t do cocaine. How do you think Elon Musk created a space company at age 31? Here’s 10 things to do instead of cocaine! Poptarts Poptarts…
Read MoreLIFE IS GREAT!!
Life is brILLIANT! There are infinitely inspiring and fun activities to do, cool people to meet and connect with, projects to accomplish while working together with others in meaningfully artistic human ways! I know it’s cliche, but it really is true— YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! !!
Read MoreTrump runs out of wishes from genie lamp
“Listen it doesn’t matter, it’s already true. I’m already invincible. And you know what, I could have wished for more wishes— I could have done that whole thing— I don’t need them. I’m already the greatest.”
Read MoreSarasota man attempts to change vote after learning presidential race isn’t an actual race
“I thought for sure Biden would win! I mean look at Trump, he’s got that weird posture all bent-over-like when he walks, like a velociraptor with a spine disease— I don’t think he’d be much good at running. “
Read MoreSports stuff happening somewhere in Florida
Not everyone is a die-hard sports fan or competition-crazed enthusiast. Nonetheless, it feels good to be up on the latest news events. That’s why I’m here to inform you that there has been word that sports stuff is going on… or it did go on recently. It’s been confirmed that something sports related is/was just…
Read MoreTampa selected as test market for new Taco Bell menu
After announcing they will be discontinuing their Spicy Tostada and Mexican Pizza, Taco Bell fans everywhere are disappointed to say the least. Well you’re in luck, because the restaurant just unveiled 11 new menu items out now in select testing areas Tampa, FL and Boulder, CO. They are a must-try! Can’t decide what’s for dinner?…
Read MoreBradenton man has stare-down with tiny lizard
Chuck Smith of Bradenton was caught up in a brutal stare-down on Tuesday with a miniscule green anole lizard identified in his yard. Smith stepped outside his home for a moment planning to walk to his car, when all of the sudden he noticed a small lizard standing in front of his driveway. Smith flinched…
Read MoreFemale woman walks down street in Bradenton: claims she’s not a prostitute
A woman was spotted walking down the street last Sunday at 1:30pm in Bradenton, FL. “I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop when I thought, ‘You know what, maybe I’ll take a walk. I haven’t explored the other shops around here yet, and it’s nice outside.’” the alleged everyday woman told reporters. As she…
Read MoreNew app feature lets Florida guys create the perfect Tinder profile
A new helpful app feature on Tinder lets men in Florida create their perfect dating profile. Many young people agonize over finding the right picture and biography when utilizing dating apps. Now not all of us have to. Just select that you are a man and that you live in the state of Florida, and…
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