Posts by Chingy Lopez
Tom Brady Picks Up Second Job as Writer for Tampa News Force
While quarantined at home like the rest of us, Tom Brady has decided to spend some of his extra free time writing articles for Tampa News Force. “I figured this would be a great way to get to know the city that’s going to be rooting for me all the way to the Super Bowl,”…
Read MorePublix Deli Deemed Not Essential
In an effort to protect the health of its workers, Publix has announced they are permanently closing every deli inside all Publix locations until further notice. “It’s the most dangerous part of the store at the moment,” said Publix owner Pube Licks. “As much as we would love to keep serving you backwoods hillbillies those…
Read MoreA letter of apology to Rick Scott
Hi Rick Scott, my name is Chingy and I work for Tampa News Force. In the past we have covered some of your major accomplishments, such as the time you won the award for Best Dick Pic, and that time you kicked a baby in the nuts, also that time that you were found eating…
Read MoreFlorida Police Announce ‘Guns for Mask’ Program
In an effort to supply more citizens in Florida with the N95 mask, the Brandon, Florida, police department has set-up a ‘Guns for Mask’ exchange to encourage gun owners to turn in their guns for a 10-pack of masks. “The hell I’m giving up my guns for something my wife can crochet together,” said fellow…
Read MoreFlorida Man Donates Stimulus Money to Trump Campaign
Many people across the United States received their COVID-19 stimulus package money today and one man in Florida is paying it forward in an attempt to win an autographed hat signed by President Trump himself. “I’ve been getting hundreds of emails a day from the Trump campaign telling me they are disappointed I haven’t donated…
Read MoreBill Gates: I am going to microchip every black person in America!
During a press conference at his secret science facility in Downtown Tampa, Microsoft Founder and billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates, announced that he alone designed and released COVID-19 with the hopes that it will spread from China and infect every man, woman and child around the globe so that he could then cure everyone with his…
Read MoreUniversal Pictures Delays Adult Minions, Release Date Pushed Back to 2022
The next installment in the ‘Despicable Me’ series was set to follow the lives of the adorable single-celled yellow organisms called Minions as they traversed the complex world of adulthood. The film was set to release in the Summer of 2020, but due to current situation with Coronavirus, ‘Adult Minions’ has been pushed back to…
Read MoreTampa Bay Buccaneers Unveil Assless Uniform
Citing the fact that the next NFL season will be played exclusively through an advanced VR version of Madden NFL on a couple PS5’s linked together with a LAN cable, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers unveiled their newest uniforms with the surprise addition assless pants. “The latest VR technology requires electrodes to be placed all over…
Read MoreAre Doctors Curing COVID-19 Patients by Turning Them Gay?
While investigating an unrelated news tip, Tampa News Force discovered a secret group of doctors who are attempting to cure COVID-19 patients by forcing them to perform sexual acts with people of the same gender. “While everyone has been practicing social distancing, we have found same gender unions have experienced lower COVID-19 infection rates,” said…
Read MoreTop Things to Binge Watch While Quarantined
There are too many good things on TV, but they are not all good if you know what I mean. Thankfully, we put together this binge worthy video list for your entertainment. Number 5 – Limp Bizkit Live At Helfest 2018 Limp Bizkit has performed at least a dozen shows throughout their lengthy career, and…
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