Posts by Chingy Lopez
People in Florida can’t get enough of this one thing. Can you guess what it is?
People in Florida love three things exclusively and we all know what they are so let’s just say them together: The beach, the water, and the weather. But this ongoing epidemic has brought a new object of affection to the table. While Florida can be split up as six to eight different sections with their…
Read MorePresident Donald Trump Endorses Tampa News Force
During his most recent conference concerning the COVID-19 safety measures, President Donald Trump took a moment to congratulate Tampa News Force as the only news organization brave enough to report the real news. “You are doing a great job,” said Trump while pointing directly at me. “Unlike the other fake news media who came to…
Read MoreRich People in Tampa are Exempted from Quarantine
While much of Florida begins a quarantine that hopes to stop the spread of COVID-19, people with incomes greater than $35,000 a year are celebrating the fact that they are too rich to contract the virus. “I’m not rich,” said Shairy Woods, a woman who works two jobs and barely makes $36,000 a year. “I…
Read MoreBoner Pill Delivery Service Begins in Tampa
In an effort to provide the most vulnerable citizens in the Tampa area with the boner pills they need to survive; a new delivery service hopes to keep hardworking retired gentlemen operational through the end of the current crisis. “Honestly, I can order my dick pills online and have the post office deliver them,” said…
Read MoreTampa News Force Hiring over 100 Reporters
In an effort to continue spreading information, the popular and award-winning organization Tampa News Force has announced they are expanding their team. “We are currently accepting all unsolicited news and images from folks seeking writing credits with the intent to publish them without any fact checking whatsoever,” said Tampa News Force co-founder and part-time virtual…
Read MoreRick Scott Gives His Two Weeks Notice, Leaving Senate
Citing the passage of a socialist inspired bill that will provide poor Americans assistance during the current crisis, Florida Senator Rick Scott has put in his two weeks notice and is leaving the U.S. Senate. “I can’t in good conscious support the communist socialist agenda being touted by President Donald Trump,” said Scott, who made…
Read MoreRick Scott Sharts his Pants, Misses Senate Vote
Before the Senate held its vote to expand paid sick leave and provide two weeks of paid family and medical leave to all workers in the United States, Senator Rick Scott sharted his pants and had to excuse himself. “I was getting ready to vote No because I don’t believe Americans should get paid the…
Read MoreTom Brady Signs Three-Game Deal with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
While the sports world was shocked at the announcement that Tom Brady will be leaving the New England Patriots, new details have emerged from the historic contract that will see the famous quarterback play only three games with the Buccaneers. “We offered him $30 million for the whole season, but Tom told us that wouldn’t…
Read MoreRick Scott Challenges Goldberg for the Universal Championship at Wrestlemania
During a surprise appearance at Friday Night Smackdown on Fox, Florida Senator Rick Scott interrupted promo by current Universal Champion Goldberg in an attempt to challenge him on the grandest stage of them all. “I want that thing around your waist,” said Senator Scott while pointing at Goldberg’s waist, even though Goldberg had his belt…
Read MoreTampa to demolish low income neighborhood to build tacky sculpture commemorating minorities
“It’s going to be incredibly large and confusing to look at,” said the self-described ‘Abstract-Culture-Sculpture-Visualizer’ Molystur Childs. “I’ve had this image in my head of a massive, sprawling, jungle-gym-like monstrosity sitting outside of the gates of Ybor City for many years now.”
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