Posts by Chris Coon
Shocking New Submarine Theory Surfaces: Zombie Bin Laden Haunting Titanic
Finally, a theory that makes sense.
Read MoreThey’re Calling It Suda Pop. The Latest New Drug Craze Takes Over Southwest Florida: Recreational Sudafed
EDITOR’S NOTE: Tampa News Force does not condone or endorse the misuse of drugs or medicines, even for the purposes of investigative journalism.
Read MoreTampa News Force presents: Tampa’s Real Bus Advice
Riding a bus in Tampa no longer has to be difficult 🚌
Read MoreAdderall Shortage Grips Nation—Here’s How To Still Get It!
Adderall. On the street, they call it blue girl. Neytiri. Smurfette. Megamind’s mama. Uncle Papaw’s Old Time Thinkin’ Powder. Diet Coke. You blast one line of ‘Neytiri’ and they say it’s like having Sihelu with yourself. They probably also have nicknames for the orange ones, but they don’t prescribe me those. And there’s a shortage. Protests have…
Read MoreTampa Zoo to deploy controversial new advertising slogan: “What exactly do you think happens to the animals if you stop coming here?”
ZooTampa At Lowry Park, Tampa Bay’s local zoo, has stirred up recent controversy with is recent campaign: “What exactly do you think happens to the animals if you stop coming here?”. Critics claim the slogan elicits fear on behalf of the animals. Here’s what Tampa Bay zoo visitors have to say: One local visitor to…
Read MoreHurricane Tips for New Tampa Residents
Tampa Bay has experienced record growth in both population and cost of living this year. In light of that, here are some wonderful tips for the newcomers and carpetbaggers occupying Free Tampa. Do Not Evacuate. If you do evacuate, Hurricane Santa won’t bring you any guns. It’s just wind. Take a brisk stroll outside, or…
Read MoreTo celebrate Labor Day, Tampa News Force decides to pay its staff!
For just one special day in honor of our nations great labor history and to reward our wonderful writers for their brilliant work, multi-millionaire TV star John Jacobs, and newspaper mogul Clark Brooks have decided to hurl handfuls of loose coins from the luxurious executive balcony where editors reside down toward the alley where TNF…
Read MoreMarmaduke, Ba’al Marduk, and five easy ways to tell them apart!
Hello dear reader! I have the solution to a problem that no one has fixed yet: How can you tell (if you haven’t been listening that hard) whether someone is talking about the Babylonian god Ba’al Marduk or beloved dog cartoon Marmaduke? Fret not for the answer is here! 1. If the goddess Tiamat—god of…
Read MoreFBI raid on Mar-a-Lago expected to yield catastrophic damage to comedy audiences
Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home was raided by the FBI. This is horrific news for anyone who has to sit through an open mic this week. An unprecedented step by federal law enforcement—executing a search warrant on a former President’s home—will unfortunately kick off a series of mind-numbingly precedented events: hacky Trump jokes by local standup…
Read MoreThe perks of live-aboard in SW FL!
With rent sky-high, more Tampa Bay residents than ever are looking to live landlord-free aboard an anchored sailboat. You can find many fixer-upper functioning sailboats for only a few thousand or even a few hundred dollars on craigslist. Tampa News Force’s most trustworthy local News-Talker Chris Coon opens up on his experience living aboard a…
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