Posts by Josh Santos
Study Shows Most Tampa News Force Readers Use Website to Justify Ordering Prostitutes Online
After reluctantly looking at the Google Search Console results for the Tampa News Force website, owner and manager OJ Simpson discovered that most readers use the website to justify their decision to attempt to order prostitutes online. “It looks like a legitimate website,” says recent sex trafficking sting victim Paulie McDees, “I specifically searched whether…
Read MoreTampa Man Convinced that Angrily Yelling Nonsense Counts as Facts
A local man skimmed through a pre-recorded Trump impeachment article hearing in hopes of find the talking points that most align with his world view. “I don’t understand government, civics or ethics at all,” said Paulie Borntarters. “It was very infuriating having to think about how the democrats want to have laws and rules followed…
Read MoreWhite Claw to Sponsor University of Tampa Graduation Party
The spiked seltzer water conglomerate, White Claw, is sponsoring a year-end bash at Blake’s house this weekend in celebration of his super-senior graduation from University of Tampa. “I spent many years patrolling the quad, checking out the hotties, and welcoming the newbs,” said Artie Basel, UT Spartan mascot and freshman favorite party connect. “I know…
Read MoreAntonio Brown Drafted by the Tampa Bay Vipers
In what is being called the best possible option for former New England Patriots wide receiver, Antonio Brown, the Tampa Bay Vipers have announced him as the newest player on the team. “It took a lot of convincing because Brown was an outspoken critic of the XFL,” says Marc Trestman, Vipers Head Coach. “The first…
Read MoreTampa News Force Attempts to Provide Real News
This past week, we shared a video about a bank robber who is still on the loose in the Tampa Bay area. This man is still wanted by the police and the reward for information leading to his arrest is currently $35,000. Since the video was published, police say the suspect shot and robbed a…
Read MoreTampa Bay Vipers Hold First Python Hunt
As part of a new team building exercise, the Tampa Bay Vipers have set off on a group expedition to rid the Florida Everglades of the invasive Burmese Pythons in preparation for this January’s Python Bowl. “They say the more pythons we catch, the bigger our paychecks will be when we inevitably get paid,” said…
Read MoreGeorge Zimmerman Unveils His Redesign of the Buccaneers Uniform
While taking a break from watching the trailer for the new James Bond film ‘No Time to Die’ on his phone, George Zimmerman took some time to show me his redesign of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers uniform. “I have all these ideas in my head, and I get so anxious that I have to shoot…
Read MoreNebraska Avenue Crack House to Reopen as Luxury Hotel
The infamous drug den that was shut down after police got tired of responding to calls in the area, is reopening its doors as one of the finest places to get some sleep in the city’s most well-known street. “We’ve given this crack house one hell of makeover,” said project lead architect Uris Monglo while…
Read MoreTesla Partners with Bird to Introduce Cyberscooter
Following close on the heels of the announcement of the new Tesla Cybertruck, the innovative company that has made a name for itself by providing sustainable energy solutions is not slowing down. On Sunday morning they announced plans to partner with popular electric scooter company Bird to produce a Cyberscooter. During a press conference held…
Read MoreChick-fil-A to Begin Donating to Anti-Christian Groups
The affiliates in charge of Chick-fil-A’s charity giving fund have announced that they will no longer be donating to organizations that are Anti-LGBTQ. Instead, the company announced their devotion to the Church of Satan and are moving forward with plans to give $0.10 out of every sandwich sold to Lucifer worshippers, as well as organizations…
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