Posts by Stephen Henry
Governor DeSantis Proposes Florida Immigration Test
As more and more people flock to Florida, Governor Ron DeSantis seeks to slow migration from other states by implementing a comprehensive immigration exam. In order to take up permanent, legal residence in the state of Florida, applicants will have to successfully pass a battery of tests that the Governor colloquially refers to as “The…
Read MoreNew Port Richey Residents to Ring In 2021 By Spitting Directly in Each Other’s Mouths
In a crowded biker bar in New Port Richey, patrons get ready for tonight’s New Year’s Eve bash by doing anything they can to get their salivary glands stimulated. And the owners of the Sickly Rat Tavern and Motorcycle Club are more than happy to help. “We’ve laid out quite the spread,” said Keith Calhoun,…
Read MoreTampa Bay Rays to Trade Blake Snell for World-Renowned Belly Itcher
In a startling turn of events, the management of the Tampa Bay Rays has decided to trade away their star pitcher from last season, Blake Snell, 28. In return, fans can expect to see a new starting player, Mikey O’Leary, a wily upstart from an unnamed farm team out of Dubuque, Iowa. When asked if…
Read MoreHurricane Laura: New Entrant to 2020 Presidential Election, Running in Hurricane Party
In an unprecedented move, the Category Four hurricane working its way up the Gulf of Mexico, Hurricane Laura, has filed the necessary paperwork to be registered as a third-party candidate for the 2020 U.S. presidential election. Due to beginning her whirlwind tour in the U.S. territory of Puerto Rico, Hurricane Laura is a natural born…
Read MoreUniversity of Tampa Student Won’t Let COVID-19 Keep Her From Ruining Family’s 4th of July
A student at University of Tampa has taken it upon herself to continue making her family’s gatherings unpleasant. Despite being quarantined in Florida, thousands of miles from her parents’ house in Topeka, Kansas, Brittani Meyerson is determined to give her father a “like, wild ass headache. Maybe even, like, a stroke?” Meyerson, a junior majoring…
Read MoreYbor City to Host First Annual “Running of the Gators”
In an attempt to lift citizens’ spirits after quarantine, the Ybor City Chamber of Commerce is sponsoring the inaugural “Running of the Gators”. The event is set to take place on 7th Ave, right in the heart of Ybor, during a randomly selected and unannounced Saturday night. The run will begin sharply around 10 P.M.…
Read MoreMayor Jane Castor extends Tampa curfew to include mandatory bedtime
In light of the riots that took place over the weekend, Mayor Jane Castor felt it necessary to implement a citywide curfew. Citizens of Tampa have been ordered to remain in their homes from 7:30 PM to 6 AM. However, people continued to freely assemble and protest state-sanctioned abuses of power. And, because of this,…
Read MoreTampa Area Devastated by Coronavirus Not Infecting Rick Scott
“It’s really been a struggle for us,” said Cindy Mae Watkins, pastry chef by day and reasonable adult by night. “We keep hoping and praying for him to at least get a cough and a fever. Yet he persists. It’s as though there’s no God at all.”
Read MoreHudson Man Protests Universal Healthcare Because He’s “Not Currently Sick”
In Hudson, FL, a middle aged man has begun protesting what he considers to be the “imminent threat” of government provided healthcare.
Read MoreFlorida Holocaust Museum Patron Suggests Number of Visitors Be Publicly Displayed
The Florida Holocaust Museum has been a cultural institution and landmark in downtown St. Petersburg since 1992.
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