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Electric Company Spokesperson Bursts into Flames

On Fire

After a busy summer season, a spokesperson for Tampa Bay Electric Utility Providers held a press conference to announce that rates will continue to rise for the foreseeable future.

“There is nothing we can do to make the rates go down,” said Selian Reptra, Public Relations Manager for TBEUP. “It’s hot out, people use the AC more when it’s hot, and producing electricity is getting more expensive every day.”

Reptra then held up her glasses to see if they were smudged, but due to the angle of the sun, a small bright dot was able to heat up her hair and cause it to combust. She ran around screaming and dove into the bay as everyone watched in horror.

While Reptra thrashed around in the water, she accidentally disturbed a manatee habitat.  Police arrested her and she is now facing sixty days in prison and a $500 fine.

Tampa Bay residents are urged to stop using so much electricity to power air conditioners.  Florida is hot and humid place and developers keep clear-cutting swamp lands to build massive, paved hellholes with cement boxes that are kept at unreasonably low temperatures.

If you move to Florida and can’t handle how hot it is, it means you are a weak person who should move to a more comfortable place.  Your need to be comfortable is destroying the environment and the world would be a better place if you didn’t exist at all.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos