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Homophobes boycott transatlantic flights


An online hate group named, “Sons of Solstice” have begun an ongoing boycott of all transatlantic flights because they have “trans” in the name.

“We don’t believe in trans things.” Said Brother Martin Orleaga, head of the Sons of Solstice.

“Trans care ambulances, Transitions, Transistor radios, Transmissions on cars, we don’t like any of those things, because they make us feel like we want to have sex with men, and that feeling scares us.”

Everyone nodded in agreement behind Orleaga.

A tear came down from one mans eye under his Oakley sunglass, and onto his Duck Dynasty beard.

Is there any point in writing these? Like at all? AI could do this I’m sure. I feel like AI sometimes. Right? Like is my I A? Is my intelligence artificial? Am I dumb? Sometimes I feel like I’m like 1 iq point above being legally retarded. You ever feel that? Like if I was just a tiny bit dumber, I could sit in a chair all day and just watch cartoons and be happy and gnaw on a banana or whatever. And I’m not trying to deprecate anyone who’s mentally challenged, I know plenty of dummies can do a lot of positive things and live fulfilling lives that’s not what I’m saying.

I’m just imagining what my life would be like specifically. I know that’s what I would be like. I’m so close to that already, just sitting in dead silence by myself. Mostly not even daydreaming or anything. Just empty thought, sitting in place, not yearning for anything, but more. More of the silence and calm and peace and void of any and all stimuli. 

Is this wrong? I feel fine. I enjoy this existence mostly. I feel very lucky and blessed to have the opportunity to even sit silently, doing nothing. Then eventually I pop back up and write about 40 of these articles manically in one 15-minute writing session. 

Ok, I’m exaggerating, it’s more like 3-5 of these articles every 20-30 minutes.

So it’s like that, but not as much.

Why am I exaggerating? Who am I writing this for? Is it for comedic effect? Does it still have effect if I immediately dismiss it as false? What was the headline of this article? Gun-to-my-head, I have no idea.

Ok, without scrolling up I’m going to guess. Hold on, let me stop typing for a moment and think about it. I bet if I stop typing and reflect, I can figure it out. But part of me doesn’t want to stop typing. This is one of the only times of the day I feel like I’m living in the moment. A moment. Any moment. So to stop is to slow down momentum and to let my life and my mind catch up with itself. And it’s scary. I know a lot of people who never slow down. I love those people. They’re great.

People go their whole lives without slowing down. Paul Walker didn’t. Most celebrities don’t. That’s why they have such childish charm, because they’ve literally been moving since childhood and have had no time to grow or mature. Ok, I’m going to stop and guess the article headline. Are you ready? Here we go…

Oh my God, I guessed it! It took me about 8 seconds or so to remember. I remembered the sentence about the tear and then remembered why the guy was crying and remembered it’s because of transatlantic flights. Hahaha, how funny is that! I like it. Makes me laugh. And at the end of the day, (which it currently is, by far) that’s what’s most important. If you can enjoy what you make and what you do. And in this case I definitely do. I will most likely never read this again in my life.

Everything I just wrote will exist online forever, hopefully, but it could be decades before I bother to ever look back at it. What does that mean?

Also when I wrote “look back at it,” I thought of 2 Chainz rapping it. He raps it in a song. “Look back at it!” Then something about a “Craft-magic?” Whatever the hell that is. Oh well. Anyways, homophobes were being homophobic and it was comical and “newsoworthy,” so it was written about here. Thank you! Oh, you didn’t praise me or say anything? Ok, I’m sorry, I take back the thank you. But actually, yes thank you, because you read this much. So thanks for reading. That’s worth a thank you. You earned it.

Did you hear Sofia Vargara got divorced? She’s hot! Maybe it’s my turn! 


John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds