How to help Tom Brady
To ensure Tom Brady has the best opportunity to win a Super Bowl again in Tampa, follow these tips to help him live the most productive and comfortable life possible.
- Do not drive on the road between 4-9 AM
Tom likes early morning workouts, and to guarantee he doesn’t have to deal with any traffic, we can help him with a smooth commute by staying off the roads from 4 AM to 9 AM. The quicker Tom can get to and from his workouts, the more time he has to relax and strategize Buccaneers gameplay.
- Do not talk to him if you see him
Tom is a busy man with a lot going on, so if you see him, just leave him alone. You may take a picture of him if he as at least 50 yards away, but any close you may risk distracting him or drawing his attention. Leave him alone.
- Do not buy avocados
Tom likes avocados. To ensure that he has a bountiful supply of them, do not buy them anywhere in Tampa. If you need avocados, drive outside of city lines, so all Tampa avocados can remain intact and ready for purchase by Mr. Brady.
- Create a crystal-adorned altar for Tom
Build a shrine for Mr. Brady with pictures of him in action, surrounded by an assortment of crystals which you have already impressed with winning intentions. His wife does this, but we can’t rely on just her abilities if we want to win another Super Bowl. We must all focus our energy on him winning games and living the healthiest life he possibly can.
- Curse his enemies
It’s crazy to imagine that Tom Brady has enemies, but unfortunately he does. Odds are they are not his enemies for personal reasons, but more for envious reasons. They’re mad he’s great and they’re not. They’re mad he wins so much and they’re quarterback doesn’t. They’re jealous he has an amazing life and theirs is substantially inadequate. You must focus energy towards blocking his haters negative thoughts. Cumulatively we must build a spiritual energy wall around Mr. Brady, and keep him in an enlightened bubble at all times. We must not only give energy towards his triumphs, but also towards his defense against evil. By actively blocking his enemies intentions, only then, can we 100% guarantee another Super Bowl win for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.