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Gasparilla cancelled for first time not due to war or racism: pissed-off Tampa Bay citizens speak out

Gasparilla cancelled

Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla announced this morning that this year’s Gasparilla parades, that had previously been postponed until April, have been cancelled. “Only a handful of times did our daring pirate invaders decide to spare the city from invasion due to unprecedented world events. This year, our pirates are making a similar decision to…

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Florida manatees capitalize on marketing opportunity


Following the discovery of a manatee in the Homosassa river with “TRUMP” scraped into the algae on the gentle creature’s back, prompting arguments between political factions over who’s responsible and the offer of a $5000 reward from the the Center for Biological Diversity for anyone with information leading to a conviction for the offense, Florida’s manatees…

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Tampa man fired for operating fantasy sports league in workplace

Fantasy Death Pool

Fuad Tyson, a shift supervisor at Ted’s Tendies, a food processing plant in Tampa specializing in chicken parts, has been fired for betting on how many workers would contract COVID-19 at his job. “It was just spontaneous fun and intended to boost morale,” said Tyson. “Excuse me for trying to make the drudgery of being…

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Man’s face shield makes dozens sick at Tampa Publix

Hillsborough County health officials have determined that Instacart shopper Matt Spuiz is responsible for making several people shopping for groceries at the Publix on West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa violently ill, in spite of wearing a face shield. “It’s because of the face shield, not in spite of it”, said Dr. Meghan Hammerstein. “Speaking strictly…

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Food critic with COVID trashes Seminole Heights eatery for bland food

Food Critic

Randy Glidwad, the restaurant critic for the completely unknown-yet-relatively popular local blog “RandEatz” was recently diagnosed with COVID-19 but that hasn’t stopped him from continuing to review local eateries, including a savage one-star takedown of a popular spot in Seminole Heights. “Every single item I tried tasted exactly the same; like nothing”, he said in…

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First baby to be named ‘Covid’ born in Tampa

Baby born at TGH

A child recently born at Tampa General Hospital (TGH) is believed to be the first named ‘Covid’, after the disease caused by the new coronavirus that emerged in China in December 2019 which has caused a worldwide pandemic. “Look, somebody was gonna do it. Might as well be me! I mean, us. Me and the…

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City of St. Pete introduces mobile vaccine distribution unit

Vaccine Truck

As the country prepares for the distribution of a COVID-19 vaccine, St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman, has come up with a creative way to get the treatment out locally. “Some people are vehemently opposed to getting the vaccine and that’s an issue. But nobody is opposed to food trucks”, he said. “People love those stupid…

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