Posts Tagged ‘COVID-19’
Governor DeSantis’ handpicked panel of experts completely agrees with Governor DeSantis
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis held a public health roundtable in Tampa Thursday afternoon, where he invited a panel of scientists, researchers, doctors and various experts to weigh in on issues surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic, all of whom agreed that DeSantis has done a terrific job dealing with the pandemic. “Huh. How about that”, said DeSantis.…
Read MoreDeSantis might consider making COVID vaccines available to poor people
“Please, don’t say ‘poor’ people. I did not use that description. I never have and I never will, okay? It’s offensive”, he said. “I prefer to call them ‘not rich enough’.”
Read MoreGasparilla cancelled for first time not due to war or racism: pissed-off Tampa Bay citizens speak out
Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla announced this morning that this year’s Gasparilla parades, that had previously been postponed until April, have been cancelled. “Only a handful of times did our daring pirate invaders decide to spare the city from invasion due to unprecedented world events. This year, our pirates are making a similar decision to…
Read MoreFlorida manatees capitalize on marketing opportunity
Following the discovery of a manatee in the Homosassa river with “TRUMP” scraped into the algae on the gentle creature’s back, prompting arguments between political factions over who’s responsible and the offer of a $5000 reward from the the Center for Biological Diversity for anyone with information leading to a conviction for the offense, Florida’s manatees…
Read MoreTampa man fired for operating fantasy sports league in workplace
Fuad Tyson, a shift supervisor at Ted’s Tendies, a food processing plant in Tampa specializing in chicken parts, has been fired for betting on how many workers would contract COVID-19 at his job. “It was just spontaneous fun and intended to boost morale,” said Tyson. “Excuse me for trying to make the drudgery of being…
Read MoreMan’s face shield makes dozens sick at Tampa Publix
Hillsborough County health officials have determined that Instacart shopper Matt Spuiz is responsible for making several people shopping for groceries at the Publix on West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa violently ill, in spite of wearing a face shield. “It’s because of the face shield, not in spite of it”, said Dr. Meghan Hammerstein. “Speaking strictly…
Read MoreFood critic with COVID trashes Seminole Heights eatery for bland food
Randy Glidwad, the restaurant critic for the completely unknown-yet-relatively popular local blog “RandEatz” was recently diagnosed with COVID-19 but that hasn’t stopped him from continuing to review local eateries, including a savage one-star takedown of a popular spot in Seminole Heights. “Every single item I tried tasted exactly the same; like nothing”, he said in…
Read MoreCOVID test numbers expected to plummet to record lows in Tampa this weekend
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is reporting that projections indicate that there will be zero positive COVID-19 test results from Tampa between now and the end of the Christmas weekend, which he is giddily touting as a Christmas Miracle. “It’s a Christmas Miracle!”, he touted giddily at a hastily arranged press conference on Dale Mabry Highway,…
Read MoreFirst baby to be named ‘Covid’ born in Tampa
A child recently born at Tampa General Hospital (TGH) is believed to be the first named ‘Covid’, after the disease caused by the new coronavirus that emerged in China in December 2019 which has caused a worldwide pandemic. “Look, somebody was gonna do it. Might as well be me! I mean, us. Me and the…
Read MoreCity of St. Pete introduces mobile vaccine distribution unit
As the country prepares for the distribution of a COVID-19 vaccine, St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman, has come up with a creative way to get the treatment out locally. “Some people are vehemently opposed to getting the vaccine and that’s an issue. But nobody is opposed to food trucks”, he said. “People love those stupid…
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