Posts Tagged ‘Downtown Tampa’
Downtown Tampa traffic lights to be timed at 15-minute intervals
The City of Tampa has announced that the traffic signals at all intersections downtown will now be timed to last for 15 minutes, effective immediately. “It’s being done to reduce stress,” said Andy Blibfwitch, the city’s Director of Vehicular Traffic Patterns. “People get so worked up waiting for lights to change when they’re in a…
Read MoreCrypto Sex Parlor Opens in Tampa
A new nightlife hotspot in Downtown Tampa is promising guests their wildest fantasies in exchange for cryptocurrency. “I bought DOGECOIN when it was worth less than a penny,” said 19-year-old Garret “SwiftTips” DeLuce while inspecting his fingernails. “Let’s just say I’m a millionaire now.” He then rubbed his Doritos Locos dust encrusted fingers on the…
Read MoreNew downtown Tampa public transportation option proposed
Ever since The Downtowner ceased operation in downtown Tampa on April 30, visitors and residents have been without an inexpensive rideshare option for short trips. “Until now, bitches!!”, said Maximus Uberlyfter, owner and CEO of XXTreme Rydez, before screaming, “Gi gi gi gi gi gi gi gi! Gow! Gow! Gow!”, like Steven Tyler in ‘Dude…
Read MoreTampa man chagrined after mocking statue of beloved local icon
Ted Chiddleston of Seminole Heights is feeling highly embarrassed and ashamed of himself after making snide remarks about a statue in downtown Tampa. He was traveling west on Brorein Street, heading toward Bayshore Boulevard when he stopped at a traffic light at the intersection of Florida Avenue. As he was waiting for the light to…
Read MoreLeast Pleasant Downtown Tampa Activities
There are a number of things to do in downtown Tampa that are not enjoyable. The city is something of an engineering marvel in that most of these disagreeable pursuits are directly related to one another. The kind of synchronized inconvenience, lack of amenities and implications of potential menace required to be so unpleasant takes…
Read MoreIdiot zipping around downtown on a scooter for the past year laments year wasted zipping around downtown on a scooter
Dave Greg of Tampa regrets wasting so much time over the last year travelling all over downtown Tampa on an e-scooter. “I’ve been seeing lots of posts on social media, with people observing how much things have changed for them over the last 12 months due to COVID. How drastically different their lives are now…
Read MoreUnauthorized pro-police street mural causes plane crash in Tampa
A street mural in downtown Tampa is being cited as the cause of a small passenger plane crash this morning. All aboard survived with relatively minor injuries. The Embraer Phantom 100, piloted by Scott “Scotty” Alderson with four passengers aboard was bound for landing at Tampa International Airport when the pilot was distracted by something…
Read MoreTampa Downtown Partnership touts improved parking options
“It’s never been better”, exclaims spokesperson Krig Neville.
Read MoreBank Robbers use Llama as Distraction in Downtown Tampa
“Everything that happens in this city feels like an experiment to piss half of us off,” said Downtown Tampa resident Pam Dzoq. “I used to hate this city, but then I saw that llama and it made me not racist anymore.”
Read MoreReal life game of ‘Chutes and Ladders’ coming to Downtown Tampa
The streets of Downtown Tampa are about to get a whole lot more fun this weekend as the city is set to transform the Rivergate Tower into the largest game of Chutes and Ladders. Participants will start at the bottom of the ‘Sykes’ Rivergate Tower, also known as the “Beer Can” and “Saints and Sinners…
Read More