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This week’s public school lunch menus

LunchLadies

As a public service to the millions of parents to school-age children in the Tampa Bay region who read our site every single day, Tampa News Force proudly presents what the kids will be eating for lunch at school this week. You know, for planning purposes. Enjoy! CITRUS COUNTY Monday, October 3: Tater Thots Tuesday,…

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School resource officer shoots kid reading gay book

Gay Book

A second grader is in critical condition today after being shot by his school resource officer while reading Lesléa Newman’s 1989 classic picture book ‘Heather Has Two Mommies’. “I was patrolling the library and saw the gay book,” said officer Frank Johnnie. “At first I was just trying to shoot the book, but the kid…

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Desperate Florida schools turn to student teachers

Teacher

Florida schools are facing a major staffing crisis, with over a thousand unfilled positions in Hillsborough County alone, where the school year began yesterday. As a result, they are turning to the school’s students themselves as a last resort. “We tried to recruit unqualified military veterans. That didn’t work. We’ve tried everything, every possible option,”…

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Family pet foils school shooting

Pet dachshund

Plans for a public school mass shooting were thwarted by a plucky pooch in Palma Ceia! A young man whose name is being withheld by authorities due to him being a minor who never actually carried out a crime but is named Calvin Mooshtock was in the middle of broadcasting a threatening message about what…

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Manufacturer recalls faulty emergency call boxes

Call Box

Emergico Systems Inc., a Tampa-based company that manufactures emergency response equipment has announced that they are recalling their new line of TeleTek6000® emergency call boxes following a recent failed beta-testing trial of the units at a school in a small town somewhere in Texas. “The way they were supposed to work is, in the event…

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Tampa News Force to launch journalism program at Bishop Sycamore High School

Venerable media outlet and bastion of journalistic integrity Tampa News Force (TNF) has announced the sponsorship of a new journalism program at prestigious Bishop Sycamore High School in Columbus, Ohio. Ricky ‘Rick’ Kwotemark, TNF Director of Educational Outreach said, “It is truly an honor and a privilege to partner with a legitimate academic institution and…

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Dr Seuss Book Saves Child from Stabbing

Seuss

A Tampa elementary school third grader is safe today after his six copies of recently banned Dr. Seuss books stopped an accidental stabbing from a megachurch pastor during a sermon. “I was trying to prove a point about cancel culture,” said Dennis McWelkins, pastor of Calvary Lake of Second Baptist Creek Community Church. McWelkins is…

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Hillsborough County to monetize school prayer

Schools will now make money from children praying in Florida Schools

As the new praying in schools laws take effect, Hillsborough county is one of the first counties in the country to monetize the programs, having the teachers designate their prayers to a sponsor. “For example, before class begins I will say something like, ‘Alright children, let us now bow our heads for the Best Buy…

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