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Tampa starts looking like London


The city of Tampa has started to look a lot like London, whether you’re ready for it or not.

Theater shows popping up everywhere. Tube strikes. Train delays. Buckingham palace. It’s literally London.

The buildings are old and made of stone with sconces and moldings which make you question whether or not they were made by humans or left behind by some sort of ancient civilization.

It’s just not what Tampa used to be.

When you think Tampa, you think palm trees and beaches, not rainy 50-degree whether for two weeks straight. Yet, here we are, and that’s what’s happening.

We have a king now, because the queen died. Nando’s has long lines and hour-and-a-half waits.

It’s just not what Tampa used to be and we have to all accept it.

Casinos on every street, bikes with carriages on the back blasting loud music and soliciting people to pay them for cab rides.

Harry Potter stores littered throughout the county.

It’s just not Tampa anymore, it’s now London.

Wait. Oh, I’m in London! 

Sorry about that!


I’m not in Tampa, I’m in London, that’s why it looks like London.


I forgot I wasn’t in Tampa, I forgot I took multiple planes to get here and that I wasn’t in Tampa anymore.

How did I forget that?

Welp, I’ve already written this much of an article and my deadline is twenty minutes ago, so I have to turn this in despite it being completely wrong.

Please don’t tell on me for this one.

I messed up, Tampa is not London, I’m sure it’s still Tampa.

But I already wrote this, and like my grandmother always used to say, “Never throw out an article! It can be used! Get all the meat from it!”

So here’s the article. Do with it what you want. Sorry I screwed up. Honest mistake. We all make mistakes. Don’t pretend you haven’t either. Just give me some leeway this one time and I promise it shouldn’t happen again too soon. It will %100 happen again. But hopefully not too soon. And even if it does happen too soon, people make multiple mistakes at a time all the time. Some people screw up for entire years. Remember that “Friends” song? Maybe it’s not your year? I could screw up articles for an entire year, and you can’t be mad at me, because the song said it happens. And that song is from a popular thing. So if something is popular it can’t be wrong.

Just like my grandmother used to say, “Popularity is the only thing that matters! If your personality doesn’t make you popular, change it until it does! Do not be true or authentic to yourself, live a lie that makes others happy and ultimately you will die a hero and that’s what counts.” She was so cool. She still is!

Alright, bye.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds