USF to sell college to pay for football stadium

As plans move forward to build a football stadium on the campus of the University of South Florida (USF), the matter of how to pay for it is being addressed.

“We simply can’t keep screwing over the students by upping their activity fees and giving virtually nothing back in exchange,” said USF spokesperson Susan Blancheforth. “I mean, we can… and we will continue to do so. But USF has lots of stuff laying around that we can sell so we’re going to do that.”

“And take some money from the student activity fees. Just for consistency,” she added.

One of the assets that the university has deemed expendable is the USF College of Education, which is now for sale via an ad on Craigslist.

“Yeah, people really aren’t into education anymore. Adults feel like they know everything they need to know and they’ll just pass that on to their kids without the interference of liberal weirdos”, she said. “Plus, if you are a liberal weirdo, why in God’s name would you ever want to be a teacher?? Especially here in Florida! Don’t you see how it’s pretty much impossible to do that job? I wouldn’t be surprised if they banned chalkboards next. Being a teacher, especially in Florida, is a guarantee that you’ll end up depressed, broke, depressed and broken.”

“So yeah, the College of Education is for sale. Go Bulls!”

So far, the only offer is $100 from a man named Roy Floyd in Plant City who says, “Growing up as the son of a starving, widowed strawberry farmer, of course the only thing I ever dreamed of is one day owning my own college.” He says he will come pick it up as soon as somebody lends him a big enough truck.