5G tower makes mans penis huge

A 5G tower in Riverview is being accredited with making a local mans genitalia larger after direct repeated exposure to the tower.

“I read all these posts on Reddit that talked about the effects of 5G and what it’s going to do to us, so just as my own personal experiment, every day I would stand at my window naked facing the 5G tower and within minutes I’d say I noticed a difference.” Said Gene Muleet, Riverview resident.

“I’m talking you could see it with your own eyes, it just got bigger and bigger and I’ll tell you, my girlfriend was pretty happy about it, I don’t see what all the hype is about 5G being bad, it’s done nothing but good for me.” Muleet stated.

The cause of why the 5G tower effected Muleet’s body in such a way is a medical mystery.

“We’ve taken every test we could think of,” Said Dr. Rench Peteza, “But there’s no answer. We even tried for ourselves standing naked in front of a 5G tower for a while, and only half of us experienced growth in our genitals. The other half of us were not so lucky.” Dr. Peteza concluded before riding one of those chairs up the steps of his experiments lab.

Some woman are claiming they have become tighter after opening their legs to 5G towers, while others are claiming that 5G towers lowered their credit score.

While many are concerned that we don’t understand the full effects of 5G on our lives, unfortunately 6G towers are already being installed next to the 5G ones and their twice as tall.

“We’re looking into 7G technology as we speak.” Said Johnathan 5G, owner of the first 5G tower company.

“Hell who knows, we might even start doing some R&D into 8G!” 5G shouted into the microphone at the investors Zoom conference.

The medical community has not been able to keep up with the effects of the advancing technology as most labs are currently occupied with Covid development. More on the story as it develops.