Lazy river replaces I-4

A 132-mile-long lazy river which was dug directly next to interstate 4 highway, spanning across all of Florida, has finally opened to the public.

The man-made peaceful river is now accessible to anyone with an inner tube and was built in hopes of relieving some of the daily traffic on I-4.

“We figured, people are going super slow anyway, we might as well make this fun and have them get to their destination, but also be relaxed from the lazy river ride.” Said Florida Highway Development coordinator Ken Figment.

“The amount of complaints we get about how poorly designed the interstate highway is astronomical, and the content of these letters is just utterly disturbing and scary! I thought to myself ‘you could fill a river with these angry letters’ then I thought, ‘lazy river!’ And here we are!” Figment happily recalled.

The lazy river is estimated to be about twice as fast as regular travel on I-4 and so far has received only 50% as much hate mail as I-4 has been receiving.