Breaking News
Rick Scott announces plan to overhaul AMBER Alert program
“I’m the one who totally revamped Florida’s unemployment system; there’s no reason I can’t do it again in this case, with equally spectacular results”
Read MoreManatee Commissioner Baugh tries to look interested in impending disaster
Commissioner Vanessa Baugh, who represents District 5 in Manatee County appeared to be giving a reasonable amount of sincere interest during a televised briefing on the ruptured wall of a retention pond holding 800 million gallons of water containing phosphorous and nitrogen at the old Piney Point phosphate mining property. “This is a very trying…
Read MoreNew evidence of Matt Gaetz involvement with human trafficking comes to light
Following news that broke last night that Representative Matt Gaetz, (R) of Florida was the subject of a Justice Department investigation examining whether he violated federal sex trafficking laws, Gaetz made an appearance on Tucker Carlson’s television show to refute the accusations, during which new evidence was revealed that would seem to damage his claims…
Read MoreEnormous yacht stuck in Garrison Channel
Marine traffic through the Garrison Channel was blocked this past weekend, with dozens of boats stuck at both the east and west entrances to the waterway separating the Channelside district of downtown Tampa from Harbor Island due to the massive yacht ‘Infinite Leisure’ getting stuck last Friday afternoon. “How did that thing even get in…
Read MoreSpring Break mayhem in Miami reaches new level
As the Spring Break partying in Miami continues to spiral out of control, causing city officials to declare a state of emergency, the situation has become even more dangerous with Batman’s nemesis The Joker showing up in the city recently. He was spotted Saturday when he climbed onto the roof of a car while waving…
Read MoreDr Seuss Book Saves Child from Stabbing
A Tampa elementary school third grader is safe today after his six copies of recently banned Dr. Seuss books stopped an accidental stabbing from a megachurch pastor during a sermon. “I was trying to prove a point about cancel culture,” said Dennis McWelkins, pastor of Calvary Lake of Second Baptist Creek Community Church. McWelkins is…
Read MoreVeterans of Domestic Terrorism post opens in Tampa
A newly-formed fraternal organization for domestic terrorists has opened a lodge in Tampa. The Veterans of Domestic Terrorists, or VDT, is a nonprofit service organization created to support white nationalists, insurrectionists, would-be firebrands, provocateurs and identitarians, military gear fetishists, conspiracy theory and junk science proponents and other neo-reactionary, self-styled patriots. The organization’s stated mission is…
Read MoreTampa News Force to launch new LGBTQ site
“We recognize that we could do a better job of inclusion when it comes to some marginalized factions of our community”, said TNF vice president of gender neutrality Terry Kelly. “With that in mind, we are proud to announce our newest venture, TNFLGBTQ!”
Read MoreGasparilla cancelled for first time not due to war or racism: pissed-off Tampa Bay citizens speak out
Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla announced this morning that this year’s Gasparilla parades, that had previously been postponed until April, have been cancelled. “Only a handful of times did our daring pirate invaders decide to spare the city from invasion due to unprecedented world events. This year, our pirates are making a similar decision to…
Read MoreBucs sign Brady’s celebration attendant to contract extension
The world champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers have signed Boof Noosler to a one-year contract extension, following today’s celebratory boat parade. Noosler, whose job consists entirely of making sure quarterback Tom Brady doesn’t fall down and hurt himself after drinking too much tequila, has been deemed “absolutely essential” by general manager Jason Licht. “if there’s one…
Read More