The fireworks and helicopters heard every night have been linked to Governor Ron DeSantis after he tweeted a video of himself shooting mortar shells from a helicopter without a mask on. “I love America, and I love the 4th of July” The tweet was captioned, with a thumbnail of DeSantis throwing up the hang loose sign, wearing Oakley sunglasses and an undone Vineyard Vines button up, collar half-popped.
“Hey, sorry about that.” DeSantis said at his press conference.
“Whoopsie Daisies!” DeSantis shrugged and the crowd half laughed, the other half extremely appalled. “Is this thing on?” Desantis asked, tapping the microphone.
After harsh feedback, DeSantis took the microphone out of it’s stand and began walking back and forth behind the podium, attempting to do stand up comedy.
“Isn’t this wild, what’s the deal with fireworks and helicopters over your house every night? Isn’t that something? You don’t need the cops huh? Oh yea? Well what happens when we shoot fireworks and drive helicopters over your home every night, do you like that? Huh? Do you like when we do that?” It wasn’t funny at all.
The crowd threw some General Becky’s extra ripe tomatoes at DeSantis as he shielded his face. General Becky’s tomatoes, the best tomatoes to throw at political figures failing at stand up comedy* (*Paid Sponsorship)
DeSantis stumbled through about 35 minutes of unpolished material, constantly looking down at his list, not making eye-contact with the audience, just a plethora of performance no-no’s that you should never do. But he was clearly blasted so he didn’t care. He had wet hundred dollar bills hanging out the back pocket of his Dickey’s, and not the blue hundreds either, the old ones.
Eventually DeSantis passed out flat on his face and journalists took turns digging through his pockets. Nothing is expected to change from this, and the office of the Governor has released a statement saying, “if anything, things are going to get worse from here.”