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Government admits voting doesn’t matter


In a move which, a few years ago, would be considered shocking, but given the current state of politics, very little can be considered surprising at this point, the US government had admitted publicly, that “voting doesn’t matter.”

“It just doesn’t” Said Bill Nominal, a man nobody at the press conference was familiar with, but he was holding a leash connected to the current President’s neck, implying that he had the ultimate power in the country.

“We give you the illusion of choice and power and a voice and make you feel like you can actually make a difference or change in the system, but it’s just not the case, and we’re doing this new thing in my inner circle where instead of lying, we’re honest to the people we cheat and control and we’ve found a new way to get off on that. It’s like that movie ‘Trading Places’ where the elites just get bored and f**k with people for fun.” Said Nominal to the packed press core who were awakened suddenly in the middle of the night and ordered to this conference.

“So I’m telling you and everyone in the country and the world, that voting doesn’t matter, and then I’m going to go back to my palatial mansion and have human-trafficked women drip hot wax on me while I masturbate with a golden trophy shoved inside my anus. It feels good to also tell you that. I will think about this moment while I receive sexual pleasures in a few moments from now.” Nominal said with a proud, accomplished, grin.

Then a trapped door opened below Nominals feet, dropping him out of the room, to somewhere we were not told.

Despite the announcement, elections will go on as planned and nothing is expected to change.

One protestor outside who was live-streaming the event was invited into a limousine and then came out 15 minutes later claiming that he now actually liked the government and we should not be bothered by the fact that voting doesn’t matter.

That protestor was also given his own primetime sitcom on CBS shortly after.

Hey, I left this article to write a different article I had an idea for during this one and now I’m back. To this one. You know, I’m not going to go back and read whatever I already wrote, and honestly I don’t even remember what the headline is for this one, but I will say this. Thinking thoughts is good.

No matter what they are and what direction they go, thinking is good and it’s fun. Do it as much as you can! If you feel overwhelmed, stop thinking for a bit and that will feel good too. Listen to your brain and body and stay healthy. Doing stuff is also good for you, not just thinking. Acting on thoughts is a good idea, as long as you’re acting on good thoughts. Don’t act on bad thoughts. 

“What’s the difference between a good and a bad thought?”

Good question! 

I don’t know. I guess it’s subjective to you what you think is a good thought or a bad thought, and funny enough, you’ll never really know until it’s too late. Because you might realize much later, “oh, that was a bad thought, I shouldn’t have acted on it.” 

But, you can also ask people around you before you act. That’s a good idea. Asking people around you, “is this a good thought?”

Unfortunately, if you have an abstract mind and think differently than the status quo you might not always get the answer you want even when you think something is a really good thought, people around you might tell you it’s not. Then you might not end up doing a thing you really want to do and believe is good because you listened to other people. So I think the answer here is, get a lot of opinions, and listen to the people you respect. Try to be like your heroes and live like them. What would they do? People always say “What would Jesus do?” Because for some reason, people want to live like a supernatural martyr who died thousands of years ago.

And people think that’s a good idea. So who knows what’s right? One mans trash is another man’s treasure. You ever heard that one? It applies to thoughts too.

One person’s bad thought could be another person’s good thought.

Ok I’m writing this from a couch and it’s kind of low so my knees are hurting sitting in this position so I’m going to stop writing this article now. Let me scroll up and see what the title was.

Oh wow, this had nothing to do with voting not mattering when I came back. Oh well. Nobody cares anyway, at least in this moment. Maybe they will care one day! Maybe they’ll read this years from the original posting date and go, “Wow, what a genius! He’s such a good writer! I wish I could write like that! So honest and open!”

Honest and open? What? What part of this is- Nevermind.

It’s not up to me to say. It’s up to you. I have no say! This is my say right now! I can’t say after saying. That’s the saying. “You can’t say after you say.’ My Godfather always used to tell me that.

I don’t know who my godfather is?

What would Jesus do?

Who was his Godfather? 

Was it God?

What would my Godfather do?

Would he say hello to my little friend?

Al Pacino was in the movie Godfather and he was also in the movie Scarface. That’s just a fact.

“Just” makes it sound insignificant, but I promise it is in-significant. There is significance inside out if. That’s what insignificant means.

That’s a lie. A lie is when you tell something that’s not true.

True is what is.

Is, is what’s happening.

Happening is this article. 

The End.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds