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St. Pete man’s dying words express regret for getting vaccinated

Dumb Old Bastard

Eddie Mulmswood of St. Petersburg passed away yesterday and used his last words to say that more than anything else, he wished he’d never gotten vaccinated against COVID. “You would have thought his greatest regret was getting drunk and walking into traffic on a Thursday afternoon”, said his son-in-law Jerry Oyler. “I mean, since he…

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CDC to employ Jackass tactics to get vax numbers up


With COVID cases spurred by the Delta variant on the rise in Florida, the Center for Disease Control is employing some unconventional methods to get more residents vaccinated. The original cast of MTV’s prank comedy show “Jackass” will re-unite and will travel around the state, tricking people into getting vaccinated. “We don’t know if this…

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Anti-vax bar in Clearwater offering incentives to potential customers

Jenny Mc's

In response to nationwide efforts to motivate more people to get vaccinated against Covid-19 by offering perks like free donuts, beer, gift cards and entries into special lotteries offering cash prizes and scholarships, one bar in Clearwater wants to reward people who don’t get vaccinated. “Here at Jenny Mc’s, we cater to people who do…

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Vaccinated creep eager to start giving unsolicited hugs again


Denny Dexter of Palm Harbor has recently been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 and can’t wait to start hugging women who don’t want him to hug them. “I feel good about it. And women should too”, he said. “Because it’s completely safe. There’s nothing bad that can happen as a result of me approaching some unsuspecting…

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Vaccine recipient disappointed

Popeyes vaccine

Madelyn Coddleton of Tampa recently received a vaccination to protect her against COVID and she’s not happy about it. “I wanted to try that new Cajun Flounder Sandwich from Popeye’s that everybody is talking about”, she said. “I’m hungry, not sick!” She got in a long line of cars outside the Tampa Greyhound Track at…

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Elderly St. Pete woman backs DeSantis vaccine policies

Old lady

Valerie Mondeburt of St. Petersburg is a senior citizen who has not been able to sign up for the COVID-19 vaccine, something for which she does not blame Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. “How anyone can blame him for this is beyond me”, she said. “He’s doing the best he can and putting Florida seniors first.…

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City of St. Pete introduces mobile vaccine distribution unit

Vaccine Truck

As the country prepares for the distribution of a COVID-19 vaccine, St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman, has come up with a creative way to get the treatment out locally. “Some people are vehemently opposed to getting the vaccine and that’s an issue. But nobody is opposed to food trucks”, he said. “People love those stupid…

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Bill Gates: I am going to microchip every black person in America!

Bill Gates Discusses Microchipping Every Black Person in America

During a press conference at his secret science facility in Downtown Tampa, Microsoft Founder and billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates, announced that he alone designed and released COVID-19 with the hopes that it will spread from China and infect every man, woman and child around the globe so that he could then cure everyone with his…

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