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Exposure to Senator Rick Scott Cited as Leading Cause of Monkeypox

MonkeyPox Rick

During a recent survey of people infected with Monkeypox, over 85% of respondents said that the Florida Senator, Rick Scott, was the last person they had physically come in contact with before experiencing symptoms. “I met him at a press event, and we hooked up,” said Everett Estreya, a 27-year-old intern for CNN.  “After he…

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Rick Scott makes attempt to express concern for military service members

Scott USO

US Senator from Florida and rejected Star Wars droid prototype Rick Scott spent Thursday making care packages with The United Service Organizations Inc., better known as the USO, a nonprofit-charitable corporation that provides live entertainment, such as comedians, actors and musicians, social facilities, and other programs to members of the United States Armed Forces and…

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Rick Scott comes dangerously close to endorsing CRT

Rick Scott statue

Earlier today, U.S. Senator Rick Scott of Florida stopped just short of a full endorsement of Critical Race Theory (CRT), the extremely controversial and dangerous academic concept that teaches the core idea that race is a social construct, and that racism is not merely the product of individual bias or prejudice and also that white…

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Rick Scott Touts New Abortion Alternative

ScottBat

“Today life wins!” Said Senator Rick Scott in a speech to supporters.  “Sweet precious, delicious life.” He added, followed by a direct message to women seeking abortions. “If you are thinking of having an illegal abortion, call me and I’ll show up to eat your fetus.”  Senator Scott then provided his personal cell phone number.…

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Rick Scott and Ted Cruz announce youth reading program

Read with Rick & Ted

Following the contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Ketanji Brown Jackson, in which several questions were raised about children’s literature for some reason, discarded Halloween decorations and US Senators Rick Scott (R-FL) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) have announced a new reading program for kids, “Read With Uncles Rick And Ted”. “We feel like we really…

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Rick Scott offers to share personal safe space

In an unprecedented display of bipartisanship, Florida Senator Rick Scott has offered the use of his personal panic room to liberal journalists from the Washington Post.  Scott spent most of yesterday Tweeting about how his new 11 Step Plan to Rescue America was “triggering” his political opponents, as opposed to touting what the plan actually…

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Custody battle over Gronk looming

Who gets Gronk?

With the sudden retirement of Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady, a number of questions have arisen about what happens next regarding a number of situations, one of which is who will take custody of tight end and unrepentant frat boy-for-life Rob Gronkowski. “Gronk is someone who needs structure in his life. With Brady gone,…

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Tom Brady announces retirement at Hooters

Brady retires

Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady ended a week of speculation about his future by officially announcing his retirement from the NFL at a party he hosted at Hooters on Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa today. “It’s cold outside, Gasparilla is a huge mob scene so I figured why not throw a little get together at…

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DeSantis clarifies stance on S.B. 148

Ronny D on the phone

Yesterday, we reported on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ support of S.B. 148, a bill designed to protect white people’s delicate sensibilities from the threat of Critical Race Theory and the ensuing critical thinking that might result. Today, we’re pretending that he called our office to clarify some of what we reported he said, and we’re…

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