Posts Tagged ‘Rick Scott’
Rick Scott Touts New Abortion Alternative
“Today life wins!” Said Senator Rick Scott in a speech to supporters. “Sweet precious, delicious life.” He added, followed by a direct message to women seeking abortions. “If you are thinking of having an illegal abortion, call me and I’ll show up to eat your fetus.” Senator Scott then provided his personal cell phone number.…
Read MoreRick Scott and Ted Cruz announce youth reading program
Following the contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Ketanji Brown Jackson, in which several questions were raised about children’s literature for some reason, discarded Halloween decorations and US Senators Rick Scott (R-FL) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) have announced a new reading program for kids, “Read With Uncles Rick And Ted”. “We feel like we really…
Read MoreRick Scott offers to share personal safe space
In an unprecedented display of bipartisanship, Florida Senator Rick Scott has offered the use of his personal panic room to liberal journalists from the Washington Post. Scott spent most of yesterday Tweeting about how his new 11 Step Plan to Rescue America was “triggering” his political opponents, as opposed to touting what the plan actually…
Read MoreCustody battle over Gronk looming
With the sudden retirement of Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady, a number of questions have arisen about what happens next regarding a number of situations, one of which is who will take custody of tight end and unrepentant frat boy-for-life Rob Gronkowski. “Gronk is someone who needs structure in his life. With Brady gone,…
Read MoreTom Brady announces retirement at Hooters
Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady ended a week of speculation about his future by officially announcing his retirement from the NFL at a party he hosted at Hooters on Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa today. “It’s cold outside, Gasparilla is a huge mob scene so I figured why not throw a little get together at…
Read MoreDeSantis clarifies stance on S.B. 148
Yesterday, we reported on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ support of S.B. 148, a bill designed to protect white people’s delicate sensibilities from the threat of Critical Race Theory and the ensuing critical thinking that might result. Today, we’re pretending that he called our office to clarify some of what we reported he said, and we’re…
Read MoreTNF agrees with Rick Scott!
In a pretty much unprecedented occurrence, Tampa News Force actually agrees wholeheartedly with the sentiment expressed by Florida Senator Rick Scott yesterday on Twitter… We agreed with it because we at Tampa News Force are huge, unabashed, dedicated supporters of our World Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers, just as we are of all Tampa Bay Area…
Read MoreRick Scott visited by 300 million ghosts
Senator Rick Scott of Florida experienced an unsettling Christmas Eve, as he was visited by some 300 million ghosts, each representing a dollar he stole from Medicare while CEO of Columbia/HCA Healthcare Corp. “BooOOOoooOOoo! I’m a ghost but could have been so much more; I could have gone to pay for someone’s medical treatment!!”, said…
Read MoreRick Scott scheduled to perform at Clearwater Marine Aquarium
US Senator Rick Scott of Florida will be replacing Winter the Dolphin on a temporary basis at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. “Winter was beloved by children everywhere, many of whom are visiting Florida for the holidays,” said Scott. “And since her unfortunate and untimely passing, probably at the hands of Joe Biden… although I have…
Read MoreGronk’s ribs on Rick Scott’s Thanksgiving menu
Florida Senator Rick Scott has announced that the primary entrée for his annual Thanksgiving dinner celebration will be barbecued spare ribs from Tampa Bay Buccaneers tight end Rob Gronkowski. “Nummy nummy”, slobbered Scott. Gronkowski suffered multiple fractured ribs, along with a punctured lung, in the Bucs 34-24 loss to the Los Angeles Rams on September…
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