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St. Pete man really doesn’t want to do hurricane prep

Messy Yard

Eddie “Earl” Scrugglins of St. Petersburg doesn’t want to clean up his yard in advance of Hurricane Ian making landfall somewhere on the west coast of Florida either later today or early tomorrow, because he doesn’t think he should have to. “That’s exactly right; I don’t think I should have to,” he said. “All this…

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St Pete Mayoral Election Coming to a Disturbing End

The city of St. Petersburg will finally receive closure in what has been described as one of the most violent and disgusting mayoral races in the history of local politics. Mayoral candidates Ken Welch and Robert Blackmon have committed to staying awake until the final vote has been counted and a winner has been announced.…

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St Petersburg Loses Sainthood

Downtown St. Petersburg – Pinellas County – Monday, 4.8.2019 Following a strongly worded email that was sent to local government officials by the Vatican, St. Petersburg has officially had its Sainthood revoked. Citing issues of “excessive drug use, but like in an openly obnoxious way not even trying to be discreet,” and a surprisingly long…

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Local Man Grows Hair Long Enough to Officially Move to St. Pete

Iberian Rooster – St. Petersburg – Sunday, 3.31.2019 A local South Tampa man has officially grown his hair long enough to qualify for St. Petersburg citizen. When asked about his move across the bridge, he couldn’t be any prouder. “I’m so happy!” Says Bryant Chett, a man with hair slightly passed his shoulders. “It gets…

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St. Pete enlists muralists to beautify downtown homeless

Downtown St. Pete – Tampa Bay – Saturday, 2.2.2019 Due to a lack of wall space in St. Petersburg, local muralists have turned to sand art and painting the bodies and possessions of the homeless. Every square inch of available space to paint has been taken up by professional muralists and wannabe artists alike. With…

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