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Tampa makes Top Ten list of cities in Tampa Bay

For the first time since the early 19th century, when the economy was booming due to a nice, robust slave trade, the city of Tampa has cracked the top 10 of local cities in one of these arbitrary and meaningless “quality of life” polls, narrowly edging out Holiday. The list is as follows:

1. St. Petersburg
2. Dunedin
3. Clearwater (the non-Scientology bits)
4. Gulfport
5. Sarasota
6. Plant City
7. Largo
8. Palm Harbor
9. Brandon
10. Tampa

Respondents listed a variety of factors in voting for Tampa…

“I feel like a city’s downtown should be a collection of bank buildings and big square condo towers with no personality and Tampa really embraces that.”

“Dude, have you been to Holiday? It’s basically Brandon without an Olive Garden.”

“I voted for Tampa because I don’t know how to spell Thonotosassa… oh wait, I got it! How about that? Change my vote, please.”

“Oh, it’s Tampa by a landslide! No contest. It’s not even close, really. Oh wait, this is quality of life? I’m sorry, I thought it was ‘shittiness of public transportation’.”

“The slave trade, definitely. It’s just as good now as it was in the 19th century. Maybe better!”