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Mayor of St Petersburg announces special military operation in Odessa, Fl.
St Petersburg’s mayor, Kenneth T Welch said the following a brief statement to the press: “Нам не чуждо любить Ты знаешь правила, как и я В полном объем о чём я думаю Ты не получишь это от другого парня Я просто хочу рассказать тебе, что я чувствую Я чувствую, что должен дать тебе понять” and…
Read MoreRick Scott offers to share personal safe space
In an unprecedented display of bipartisanship, Florida Senator Rick Scott has offered the use of his personal panic room to liberal journalists from the Washington Post. Scott spent most of yesterday Tweeting about how his new 11 Step Plan to Rescue America was “triggering” his political opponents, as opposed to touting what the plan actually…
Read MoreLeader of ISIS cancelled for racist tweet
The current leader of the Islamic terrorist organization, ISIS, Tara Rist is under fire after a past Tweet resurfaced in which the figurehead was bashing the Swedish community. “The Swedes are anything but Sweet.” The Tweet read. “If it were up to me, they would all drown with those damn gummy fish they created.” When…
Read MoreYacht snob falls overboard, delighting Gasparilla crowd
A strong gust of winter wind caused some rich douche probably named Thad or Bryce or something like that to fall off his yacht into the unseasonably cold and murky waters of Tampa Bay yesterday during the annual Gasparilla pirate celebration, to the sheer utter joy of witnesses gathered along Bayshore Blvd. to watch the…
Read MoreTom Brady announces retirement at Hooters
Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady ended a week of speculation about his future by officially announcing his retirement from the NFL at a party he hosted at Hooters on Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa today. “It’s cold outside, Gasparilla is a huge mob scene so I figured why not throw a little get together at…
Read MoreTampa Police Announce Gasparilla 2022 Will be 100% Crime Free
The Tampa Police Department announced today that this year’s Gasparilla invasion will be absolutely free of all crimes. An estimated 418,344 people are expected to descend upon Bayshore Boulevard for a day of debauchery and pillaging. “Our officers are more than prepared to control that,” said Tampa Police Chief Debby Littles. “Thanks to recent advancements…
Read MoreDeSantis clarifies stance on S.B. 148
Yesterday, we reported on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ support of S.B. 148, a bill designed to protect white people’s delicate sensibilities from the threat of Critical Race Theory and the ensuing critical thinking that might result. Today, we’re pretending that he called our office to clarify some of what we reported he said, and we’re…
Read MoreBetty White is a cunt: here’s why
I’m just kidding, I don’t think that at all, sorry for the offensive clickbaity title, I just had something important to tell you. Ok, I couldn’t think of anything important. Maybe I just wanted to waste your time. I feel like we have that kind of relationship at this point right. I write, you read,…
Read MoreMore Antonio Brown texts come to light
As more background emerges in the developing story of receiver Antonio Brown’s acrimonious split with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and head coach Bruce Arians, much of it from texts sent and received by Brown, Tampa News Force (TNF) has obtained a text conversation that could be a significant factor in how the story unfolds. Brown…
Read MoreRick Scott visited by 300 million ghosts
Senator Rick Scott of Florida experienced an unsettling Christmas Eve, as he was visited by some 300 million ghosts, each representing a dollar he stole from Medicare while CEO of Columbia/HCA Healthcare Corp. “BooOOOoooOOoo! I’m a ghost but could have been so much more; I could have gone to pay for someone’s medical treatment!!”, said…
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