Night Life
Lunar eclipse turns out to be nutsack
An account on twitter with over 5 million followers, popular for its news on lunar eclipse, incorrectly reported that a lunar eclipse was taking place last night, however it turned out that the users brother was dangling his nuts in front of his telescope, causing a silhouette. “I apologize to all my followers for the…
Read MoreGisele spotted twerking at Club Prana
Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady’s estranged wife supermodel Gisele Bündchen was reportedly seen twerking at popular Ybor City nightspot Club Prana last Saturday night. “Yeah, I was there and I saw the whole thing,” said frequent club goer Wayne Klumner of Tampa. “I was like, ‘whoa, who is this little hottie?’ and it was Gisele.…
Read MoreHomeless man turned out to be Jesus Christ
Eye witnesses confirmed that a homeless man on 7th avenue in Ybor was in fact the son of God, Jesus Christ, the messiah. “This is exactly what I was afraid of.” Said Ed Edeneddy. “We were walking back from one of those loud bars where drinks are expensive and it cost a lot to sit…
Read MoreTampa Officials Blame Elevated Party Levels on Influx of Douchebags
Tampa’s party scene has exploded tremendously since the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic and scientist think they have figured out why. “Our fastest growing demographic in this city includes young men with access to their parents money,” said USF Professor of Urban Sociology, Dr. Wyatt Nhao. “These men lack critical thinking skills and are generally…
Read MoreClearwater man keeps falling for moon prank
Dean Arrword of Clearwater is tired of being the victim of what he describes as a cruel prank. “Every time I see someone’s Facebook status that says, ‘OMG, go outside and look at the moon RIGHT NOW!’, I do it. I run right outside and look up,” he said. “And every time, it’s the same…
Read MoreUFO turns out to be anal wart
What was originally claimed to be an unidentified flying object is actually an anal wart upon further inspection of the alleged intergalactic photo. Ginny Masters, a 28-year-old girl scout leader had created a habit of waking up, and taking a picture of the first thing he’d see in his telescope. “I thought I had captured…
Read MoreTampa man keeps dropping phone on his face
Derek Kingsford of Tampa has developed the annoying nightly habit of lying in bed and dropping his phone on his face. “Yeah, it happens when I’m looking at stuff late at night”, he said. “I get drowsy and it falls out of my hand and lands on my face all the time. It’s really annoying”…
Read MoreSt. Pete man disappointed with Tinder date
Gregg Glizistky of St. Petersburg feels like he’s been deceived by a woman he matched with on the popular dating app, Tinder. “All these profiles are basically the same”, he said. “They say, ‘Hi, I like to go out to eat, enjoy live music, working out, watching sports and leisure activities and dogs and art.…
Read MoreTampa man experiencing birthday dilemma
“I got this party pass offer at a local Tex-Mex restaurant for me and nine friends to celebrate my birthday this month,” he said. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”
Read MoreTampa man can’t shake nagging feeling he’s forgotten something
A sales associate for Boost Mobile in Tampa is positive he’s forgotten something important pertaining to Christmas, but hasn’t been able to figure out what it might be. “It’s driving me crazy”, Joe Banjoe said, sitting alone at Hattrick’s in downtown Tampa. “I just can’t put my finger on what it is.” “I don’t think…
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