Lifestyle
Tampa man committed to knowing just one nutritional fact
Randy Borgwartz of Tampa has lived almost his entire life knowing and believing exactly one fundamental truth about nutrition… “Corn is a grain, not a vegetable,” he said. “This is an inarguable fact.” Mrs. Maggie Crumsnot, a retired lunch lady from Gorrie Elementary School said, “Oh yeah, I remember that little shit. Starting in 3rd…
Read MoreCougars Find New Loophole
The cougar exhibit at Busch Gardens has some exciting new curious cats that have recently found a new loophole in their habitat. “We installed climbing ropes in the containment enclosure to simulate the type of climbing cougars find in the wild,” said Busch Gardens’ head of cougar rehabilitation, McDanish Brekfestret. “Instead of using the ropes,…
Read MoreGoth girl adapts ‘Karen’ hairstyle ironically
Annthrax Nightshade, a frequent visitor to The Castle in Ybor City has adapted the much-derided ‘Karen’ hairstyle as a form of sardonic social commentary. “I’m used to people prejudging me based on my appearance,” she said. “Here’s another reason to gawk at me, motherfuckers.” The hairstyle features an inverted bob or lob cut, also known…
Read MoreClearwater man never speaking to his grandpa again
Due to frustration he experiences while trying to communicate, Mike Dumbar of Clearwater has declared that he is never going to speak to his grandfather again. “I was trying to teach him about cryptocurrency and he just refuses to listen to me,” said Dumbar. “I told him that cryptocurrencies will eventually replace the dollar and…
Read MoreTop Five Economy Lodging Options In Tampa
Between Governor Ron DeSantis and his DeSciples declaring Disneyworld off limits and people coming here to live and not just visit, tourists are becoming an endangered species in the state of Florida. Add to that an economy ravaged by inflation, and it’s easy to see that the state’s leading industry is in serious trouble. With…
Read MoreTampa woman credits economy with improving her physical conditioning
Madeline Sterner of Tampa said rampant inflation has helped her become healthier. “I guess I’m a glass-half-full person,” she said. “Sure, it would be easier to sit around and complain but I choose to look at the bright side, and one of the positive aspects of the economy is that I’m in the best shape…
Read MoreSkydiving’s Biggest Downfall, Solved By App
Skydiving has been an elitist sport for many years, but a brand new social app is set to tear down those walls and transition us into an era of skydiving in the mainstream. That’s right, this small yet feisty group of developers and engineers have cracked the code to Big Skydiving’s biggest roadblock. Anyone who…
Read MoreHistoric Tampa landmark finally being refurbished
What looks like paint samples have appeared on the south wall of the abandoned Wendy’s at 2036 North Dale Mabry, indicating that it will be refurbished, repurposed and reopened to the public in the not too distant future, delighting local residents. The old fast food hamburger place nestled between the Mons Venus strip club and…
Read MoreClearwater man might be too ok with wife’s relationship with gay friend
“They’re constantly play-wrestling and stuff. I’d be nervous if Roberto weren’t gay! Sometimes he slaps her on the ass, tells her how much he likes her tits and calls her a bitch which is something gay guys do all the time, I guess. I could never do that!”
Read MoreTampa man says new Victoria’s Secret Angels are not up-to-par
Mark McFulmph of Tampa is really disappointed with the re-branding of lingerie retailer Victoria’s Secret’s image. “These aren’t Angels. They’re like the opposite of angels, whatever that is,” he said. “Demons, I guess. Unsexy demons.” The company announced last Wednesday that it was abandoning their “Angels” campaign, which featured fashion models who wore the brand’s…
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