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Man terrified to wear mask at DeSantis press conference

DeSantis Threat

At a press conference earlier today in Nassau County where Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spoke about his ongoing plans for infrastructure improvements around the state, one man in attendance felt unsafe wearing a face mask. “I wanted to put it on, just to be careful because it was fairly crowded in there. I figured, ‘what’s…

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DeSantis not sure what to do about Juneteenth

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date of the June 19, 1865, announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas “This one is tricky,” he said. “How do…

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DeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge

Tyrant

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…

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DeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse

Anita Bryant

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company. “Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.” What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the…

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DeSantis scolds West Tampa Little Leaguer for wearing cup

DeSantis Little Leaguer

A visibly annoyed Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis admonished a catcher for the West Tampa All-Stars on Saturday for wearing a protective cup prior to a Little League game. DeSantis was in town to throw out the ceremonial first pitch prior to the game, when he noticed a bulge in the pants of 8-year-old Adam Tweedler who was…

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DeSantis victory tour among events not getting cancelled in spite of rise in COVID cases

With reported cases of COVID-19 more than doubling in the state of Florida last week, speculation is rising that the return of certain preventative restrictions might be necessary and imminent.  Regardless, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said that one event that will definitely not be postponed or cancelled is his self-congratulatory victory tour.  “I did it,…

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DeSantis plans to travel back in time to prevent vaccinations

Heavy

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is in Tampa today to attempt going back in time to prevent the invention and implementation of vaccines for polio, measles, smallpox and other conditions that have been virtually eradicated. “I don’t know what it was like back then because obviously I don’t study or learn from history, recent or otherwise.…

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DeSantis accepts support from Biden, becomes physically ill

Sick Ron

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis expressed appreciation to President Joe Biden for leading the federal response to the collapse of a condo building in the coastal suburb of Surfside last week. “You recognized the severity of this tragedy from day one, and you’ve been very supportive”, he said, wincing in obvious discomfort and addressing Biden as…

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