Skip to content

DeSantis unlocks another achievement on way to Tyrant Master Badge


Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took another huge step forward in his quest to earn the somewhat coveted Tyrant Master Badge by threatening the Special Olympics with $27 million in fines for 5,500 violations of state law for requiring proof of coronavirus vaccination for attendees or participants. The Special Olympics dropped the restriction and released a…

Read More

DeSantis proposes re-animated corpse of Anita Bryant as replacement for Mickey Mouse

Anita Bryant

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is proposing a possible compromise in the ongoing strained relationship between his office and The Walt Disney Company. “Maybe there’s room for a quid pro quo,” he said. “Maybe if they do something, I’ll do something.” What he’s suggesting is that the entertainment conglomerate that operates Walt Disney World, arguably the…

Read More

DeSantis proclaims Buccaneers ‘rightful winner’ over Rams

Gov. Ron DeSantis signed a proclamation Tuesday declaring the Tampa Bay Buccaneers the “rightful winners and actual World Champions” three months after their 30-27 loss to the Los Angeles Rams in the NFC Divisional Playoffs in January. The governor’s proclamation states that “since the Bucs are a native Floridian professional football team from Tampa, I,…

Read More

Governor DeSantis accidentally says ‘gay’

Ronnie Gay

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis mistakenly used the word ‘gay’ yesterday and is now terminally homosexual. He was attending a formal fundraising dinner event in Clearwater and was telling those assembled that they should pray before they began eating, but had heard an Elton John song on the radio on his way to the function, causing…

Read More

DeSantis scolds West Tampa Little Leaguer for wearing cup

DeSantis Little Leaguer

A visibly annoyed Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis admonished a catcher for the West Tampa All-Stars on Saturday for wearing a protective cup prior to a Little League game. DeSantis was in town to throw out the ceremonial first pitch prior to the game, when he noticed a bulge in the pants of 8-year-old Adam Tweedler who was…

Read More

DeSantis clarifies stance on S.B. 148

Ronny D on the phone

Yesterday, we reported on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ support of S.B. 148, a bill designed to protect white people’s delicate sensibilities from the threat of Critical Race Theory and the ensuing critical thinking that might result. Today, we’re pretending that he called our office to clarify some of what we reported he said, and we’re…

Read More

DeSantis victory tour among events not getting cancelled in spite of rise in COVID cases

With reported cases of COVID-19 more than doubling in the state of Florida last week, speculation is rising that the return of certain preventative restrictions might be necessary and imminent.  Regardless, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said that one event that will definitely not be postponed or cancelled is his self-congratulatory victory tour.  “I did it,…

Read More

DeSantis dedicates new science facility at USF

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis visited the Tampa campus of the University of South Florida to attend the dedication ceremony for the new Dennis Nedry Science Center. “Here’s a man who dedicated his life to science, a true innovator in the fields of computer programming, cyber security and shaving cream containers, who never lost sight of…

Read More