Posts Tagged ‘Tampa Bay Rays’
TNF ALCS preview: Rays-Astros
After dispatching the vile New York Yankees 3-2 in the Amercian League Division Series, the next obstacle standing in the way of the Tampa Bay Rays righteous quest for World Series glory is the only professional sports team to benefit from COVID-19, the Houston Astros. The 7-game series begins with the first pitch at 7:37pm…
Read MoreTNF ALDS preview: Rays-Yankees
I just woke up, hungover from Stanley Cup celebrations last week. I’m pretty sure I was on a boat captained by someone who didn’t speak English and I might have helped tear down a light pole outside of Amalie Arena. It’s kinda fuzzy. Anyway, I’ve been told by the big bosses upstairs that now that…
Read MoreGhost of 2019 Lightning issues warning to Rays
As the Tampa Bay Rays prepare to open their first-round playoff series against the Toronto Blue Jays tomorrow, they were visited by an unexpected and uninvited guest at their workout at Tropicana Field earlier today: the ghost of the 2019 Tampa Bay Lightning. “Heeeeeed my waaaarning; the number one seeeed means nothing in the poooooost…
Read MoreRays passive-aggressively clinch playoff berth
With a sweep of the Orioles in a doubleheader in Baltimore yesterday, the Tampa Bay Rays secured a spot in the postseason, within a matter of minutes of the Tampa Bay Lightning earning their way into the Stanley Cup Final against the Dallas Stars with an overtime win over the New York Islanders. “Yeah, that’s…
Read MoreThis is a great era for Tampa Bay sports fans who don’t care very much about Tampa Bay sports
With the Tampa Bay Lightning entering the second round of the NHL’s Stanley Cup Playoffs, the Tampa Bay Rays on top of the American League’s Eastern Division and preseason expectations for the NFL’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers arguably the highest they’ve been in the franchise’s history, it’s safe to say the overall caliber of Tampa Bay…
Read MoreRays New Stadium Approved
Rays New Stadium Approved The Tampa Bay area finally has an approved plan for a new baseball stadium. The stadium will be an iconic and unique floating stadium on Tampa Bay. The plan was announced this morning at a press conference at Major League Baseball’s headquarters. Sports fans all over the Bay Area are breathing…
Read MoreTampa Bay Rays Forced to Limit Seating Capacity to 150%
The Tampa Bay Rays had a unit of sunshine cast upon them in the form of good news. With the fate of the entire baseball season in doubt amid negotiations between the millionaire players and billionaire owners, The MLB and MLB Players Association have dugout an agreement. Despite heated arguments, a worldwide pandemic, and their…
Read MoreTampa sells soul for new Rays stadium
In a wildly fictional series of events, the city of Tampa collectively sold their souls in exchange for a new state-of-the-art Rays stadium, to be built by 2028, centrally located between downtown and Ybor. Through witchcraft and a combination of dark magic spells, local government officials were able to conjure a portal to the underworld,…
Read MoreTampa Bay Rays Convert Tropicana Field into Food Truck
Florida State Fairgrounds – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 5.30.2019 In an attempt to get more people to attend games, the Tampa Bay Rays have officially announced that they have secretly converted Tropicana Field into a food truck and will soon begin touring the state of Florida. “I was watching that movie Mortal Engines with my…
Read MoreTampa Bay Rays Sign 10,000 Homeless People to Boost Attendance
Tropicana Field – Pinellas County – Thursday 4.4.2019 In a stunning move by the Tampa Bay Rays, General Manager and Vice President of Baseball Operations, Erik Neander has signed 10,000 homeless people to three year contracts in order to give the illusion of more fans. “This is a huge day for our organization. Obviously the…
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