Posts Tagged ‘Tampa Sports’
World Axe Throwing League cruelly gives false hope to Brandon man’s athletic dreams
After watching the World Axe Throwing League (WATL) on cable television, a long-dormant glimmer of hope for becoming a professional athlete someday has been awakened within Kevin Thwort of Brandon, a man for whom any realistic chances of that ever happening died many, many years ago, if they ever existed at all. “You know, when…
Read MoreESPN officially makes White People Running Around In The Yard a sport
As baseball continues to drag through the longest, least eventful part of its season, TV networks are desperate for alternatives to the only major league sport taking place right now. The cable channel recently sent a crew to broadcast a recent game of White People Running Around In The Yard held in Temple Terrace to…
Read MoreFuture news: Lightning win 65th consecutive Stanley Cup
A man claiming to be from the future is claiming that the Lightning win 65 straight Stanley Cups in the coming years. Jedidiah Bunchkin, a professional time traveler, showed up to the Tampa News Force offices and said that the Lightning would win 65 championships in the future, and I told him that we lost…
Read MoreTampa Bay Lightning changes their name to Tampa Bay Pikachus
In a shocking first this week, the now former Tampa Bay Lightning have become the first major US sports team to change their mascot to a Pokémon. With abstract and fantasy based mascots like the Dragons, the Heat, and Jazz, this natural progression in branding seems almost inevitable. “As long as it still relates to…
Read MoreHillsborough County to get rid of “participation trophies”
Hillsborough county legislators decided, unanimously, to overturn a piece of legislation that has been under heavy fire in recent years. The nationwide law required public schools, extracurricular activities, and certain afterschool programs to provide “participation trophies” to children whenever awards were to be given out in most cases, particularly sports events and any competition “involving…
Read MoreTampa Bay sports makes man orgasm
Benny Hudgins of Valrico climaxed thinking about Tampa’s current sports rosters, causing him to have an epiphany that the city can make him come more than his significant other. “I was sitting in my recliner chair watching game 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs, and I found myself getting sexually aroused at the thought of…
Read MoreTampa man caught sneaking out of Vipers game
“I’m sorry I just wanted to leave but I know they have a strict ‘no leaving’ policy because they need the seats to look good for the cameras and we’re all getting paid $20 to be here so technically I’m breaking my SAG contract by attempting to escape, but you’ve got to understand, nobody wants to see this.” Said Fred G. Bailey, the hired attendee who attempted to leave.
Read MoreDozens injured in viral XFL Viper challenge
Every participant of the challenge was bitten in a furious fashion by their Vipers including two Tampa Vipers players who attempted the challenge as well.
Read MoreTampa sports cancelled by PC culture
Due to an influx of hurt feelings, it’s been decided that sports are too problematic for the citizens of Tampa Bay. “They’re done.” Said mayor Castor, packing her baseball mitt into the trunk of her hatchback. “Sports have been cancelled by PC culture, and our youth just can’t handle the concept of loss, it hurts…
Read MoreTampa Bay Sports Fan Unsure Who To Ignore
With all three of Tampa Bay’s major league professional sports franchises currently active, Gerald Humfahrt of St. Petersburg, a self-described “die hard bandwagoner” says he doesn’t know which team he should be ignoring. “I’ve been ignoring the Rays since March, so that seems like the easiest, most natural option. But they’re in the playoffs so…
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