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Trump hires John Morgan

Trump Morgan

Former President Donald Trump, suddenly finding himself without a legal defense team a little more than a week before his impeachment trial is scheduled to begin, has retained renowned Tampa personal injury lawyer John Morgan. Attorneys Butch Bowers, Deborah Barbier, Josh Howard, Johnny Gasser and Greg Harris have all ended their involvement with the case,…

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Trump directs armpit farts at critics

ArmPitFarts

On a surprise visit to Tampa this morning for the sake of qualifying this article as “local” or maybe to get some Waffle House hash browns, an obviously annoyed President Donald Trump delivered a message to people criticizing him for calling for an end to counting votes. “You know what? All of a sudden you’re…

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Obese turtle offended by Anderson Cooper’s comments

A turtle who lives in the retention pond at the Grande Oasis at Carrollwood apartment complex off Himes Avenue in Tampa is deeply insulted by remarks offered by CNN’s Anderson Cooper following a press conference from President Donald Trump earlier this evening. “That is the president of the United States,” Cooper said. “That is the…

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Dunedin man wants this election crap over already

George Bascoat of Dunedin is sick and tired of hearing about the 2020 election and wants it finished. “What’s with this crap?”, he asked rhetorically. “The polls closed at 8 and it’s almost midnight and we still don’t know who won. Come on. This is a bunch of crap.” I told him that counting ballots…

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Biden and Trump reach historic agreement

In a historically unprecedented move, as well as an uncharacteristic display of cooperation in this highly contentious election campaign, the two presidential candidates, Republican incumbent Donald Trump and Democrat challenger Joe Biden, have worked out a mutually beneficial deal mere hours before the polls close nationwide. At an accidental breakfast meeting at the Waffle House…

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Tampa woman votes, announces, “That should do it”

Christine Valzer of Tampa, who has never participated in an election prior to this year, voted early this morning and immediately proclaimed an end to all divisive social and economic issues. “Yep, that should do it”, she said as she left the West Tampa branch of the public library, and informed everyone waiting in line,…

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